Sex After Divorce: What Should I Know?

Resuming sex after a divorce is a different process for each person. Discover some aspects that you should take into account in this article.
Sex After Divorce: What Should I Know?
Elena Sanz

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Last update: 27 May, 2022

Ending a relationship isn’t easy. After a breakup, it’s common to feel lost, confused, and disoriented. But also, perhaps, hopeful, and excited about the new possibilities that open up. Therefore, you may perceive sex after a divorce as both exciting and frightening at the same time.

Depending on your personality and your expectations, resuming your social and sexual life may be more or less complicated. However, in any case, you’re likely to feel some nerves and insecurity that you didn’t experience in the comfort and stability of your life as a couple.

Below, you’ll find some recommendations to face this stage in the best way possible.

How to resume your sex life after a divorce

A couple preparing to have sex.
Before embarking on the adventure, analyze what you want and how to get it.

After a divorce, it’s important to have a certain period of introspection and self-knowledge. This time will help you to cope with the loss and grieve, but also to rethink your preferences and expectations.

Analyze what you want, what you expect for yourself from now on, and how you want to relate to other people. Clarifying these aspects and taking it easy will help you make better decisions.

There’s no set time you should wait before resuming sex after divorce, as everyone is different. However, when you feel ready, you may have doubts and fears.

You may feel that you no longer remember how to flirt or that your image isn’t as attractive as it used to be. Keep an open mind and act naturally and you’ll figure out how to handle yourself as you go along the way.

Precautions and tips for sex after divorce

Resuming your sex life after a divorce can be a most exhilarating adventure. However, you must take into account certain precautions to avoid possible negative consequences.

Take care of your body

During marriage, safe sex isn’t a major concern, as both people know and trust each other. When resuming sex after a divorce, it’s important to be responsible and reduce the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies as much as possible.

For this reason, make sure you take care of these aspects on your own. Don’t leave them in the hands of the other person, as they may be lying. Take care of yourself and your sexual partners.

Take care of your emotions

For some people, sex without love and commitment is totally possible and, for others, it is not. Both positions are completely valid. However, it’s important to be honest with yourself about it.

Many people, after a divorce, engage in a series of sexual encounters for the sole purpose of feeling desired or to make up for the emotional shortcomings of the moment. And this, in the long run, ends up causing them suffering. Therefore, take care of your emotions and know what your limits and opinions are regarding this type of encounter.

Find out more: 6 Situations In Which You Shouldn’t Have Sexual Relations

Adjust your expectations

There are those who, after a divorce, are excited by the possibility of meeting new people and interacting with them in total freedom. However, some hope to find a serious and committed relationship again.

If you find yourself in the latter case, keep in mind that the first person you have sex with may not end up being the final one.

Adjusting your expectations in this regard will help you avoid disappointment. At the same time, always be clear with those you get involved with. Let them know what you’re expecting and looking for from them.

What can you expect from sex after a divorce?

A couple having sex.
Sex after a divorce can be very exciting, but it can also produce fears and doubts.

If you’re considering resuming relationships and sex life after divorce, you’re probably feeling quite uncertain. Here are some of the main feelings you may have to face from now on:

Everything is new

If you were married for a relatively long time, when you return to the social sphere, you’ll find that many assumptions have changed. Nowadays, some people even expect a sexual encounter on the first dates. However, you don’t have to give in to these expectations if you don’t share them.

On the other hand, every person you meet and every social and sexual exchange will be new and stimulating. After the routine of life as a couple, opening new horizons can be refreshing and exciting.

Increase your self-esteem

You may also experience a boost in self-esteem as you begin to interact and date other people. This is because life as a couple is secure and stable in many ways, but it0s often not very reinforcing.

Over time, spouses often stop giving each other compliments and recognition. However, as you open yourself up to new relationships, you’ll probably receive them more frequently.

There’ll be an adjustment process

At first, you may find the idea of resuming your sex life with new people very stimulating, and you’ll probably enjoy each encounter.

However, over time you’ll get used to the new situation and you may even want to re-establish a relationship.

If you have doubts, consult a professional

Resuming sex after a divorce can be scary, and insecurities may arise. This is natural and you shouldn’t be demanding or critical of yourself.

However, if these fears cause sexual dysfunction or discomfort of any kind, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Working with certain aspects of your mind can help you enjoy sex that’s much more fulfilling.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Cáceres, C., Manhey, C., & Vidal, C. (2009). Separación, pérdida y duelo de la pareja: Reflexiones imprescindibles para una terapia de divorcio. De familias y terapia27, 41-60.
  • Bonavitta, P. (2015). El amor en los tiempos de Tinder. Cultura y representaciones sociales10(19), 197-210.
  • Labrador, F. J., & Crespo, M. (2001). Tratamientos psicológicos eficaces para las disfunciones sexuales. Psicothema, 428-441.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.