8 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Beginning a New Relationship

You've heard it before: to start a new relationship and be happy, you should get over the past and love yourself, above all. Learn about this and 8 important questions you should ask yourself before beginning a new relationship.
8 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Beginning a New Relationship
Bernardo Peña

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Bernardo Peña.

Written by Okairy Zuñiga

Last update: 09 October, 2022

Beginning a new relationship can be a challenge, especially when you can see a string of failed ones in your rear-view mirror.

If you feel defeated and wary of starting again with someone new, you may need to reflect on your habits when it comes to dating.

Here are 8 questions that you need to ask yourself if you want to ensure your next relationship is happier, healthier, and longer-lasting.

1. Am I really ready for a new relationship?

Relationships require time and energy to work. Make sure your current lifestyle allows you to begin a new relationship 100%.

If you just started a new job, made the decision to follow a dream, or if you’re in the middle of a family crisis, it may not be the best idea to half-heartedly get involved with someone.

Wait for the storms of life to pass before inviting in another ship to navigate your waters.

2. Am I really over my ex?

a sad woman thinking about if she is over her ex

In order to accurately answer the first question, you have to ask yourself this one, too. Are you really over your ex? If your answer is no, you’re definitely not ready to begin a new relationship.

Rebound relationships are not only destined for failure, but they’re also excellent at damaging your partner’s self-esteem and hurting their feelings. No one likes to feel like they’re in second place, nor do they deserve it.

The best way to get over your ex is to work on yourself. Figure out what didn’t work in the relationship. That way, you’ll figure out what you need to change in your own life to begin a new, successful relationship.

3. What did and didn’t work in my past relationships?

There are many reasons a relationship may have failed. It’s important to make a list of what things didn’t work. These could be things like distance, trust, or honesty.

This will help you to objectively find solutions. On the other hand, the positive parts of a healthy, functional relationship are important to think about, too.

If it’s hard for you to identify what has been good in your past relationships, look around and take advantage of the lessons from other people’s relationships.

Then, decide which aspects you’re looking for in a new relationship.

4. What kind of relationship am I looking for?

In other words, how serious do you want your next relationship to be? This is an essential question for your own well-being as well as that of your future partner.

Whether you want a fun fling or someone to settle down with, you should be clear about it.

Whatever your case may be, you need to talk about your answer with your possible partner before beginning the relationship. This will keep you from wasting time and get you on the same page.

5. Do they share my values?

couple talking about a new relationship

Just because someone shares your taste in movies, books, food, or activities doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you. You have to dig deeper.

Do they share your beliefs? We’re not just talking about religion or politics. We’re also talking about how they treat people and how they view the world.

Are they passionate about what they do? If you’re looking to build a life with this person, what would they want to teach their kids? Is it the same thing you’d want for your kids?

It’s important to keep these things in mind.

6. What do I want out of this relationship?

Maybe you’re looking for support, you just want company, or are longing for true love. You might even be looking for a best friend or just a “good time.”

Again, you need to figure these things out before you begin a new relationship.

That’s the only way to tell if you’re going to be in it for the right reasons and if your new partner will be able to give you what you really want or not.

7. Do I love myself?

a sad woman that doesn't love herself

It may sound cliché, but you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.

When you don’t feel worthy of love, you may refuse the love they try to give you. This can be a problem that, besides being hurtful, ends up being very frustrating for your partner.

8. Do I really want to be in a relationship again?

Have you realized you’ve had a lot of relationships or have you reached the point where you need to detox from breakups? Do you need to be alone for a while?

If this is the case, maybe you should follow your instinct and do just that.

Work through these questions to find out if you really feel ready. If so, go get ’em! It’s all about feeling good about what you’re doing.

Don’t rush your heart if what you need is time to heal and spend time with yourself. Reflect and get to know yourself better.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.