The Most Important Thing to Look for in a Partner

We all want perfect relationships, but many people don't know what to really look for. Learn about the real characteristics to look out for when it comes to finding the perfect partner.
The Most Important Thing to Look for in a Partner

Last update: 27 May, 2022

When looking for a partner, we usually forget about the most important thing. Instead, we only focus on superficial features.

So, we find people who fit into our image: Brown or blond hair, tall or short, mature or immature, kind or serious…

However, this selection process causes problems in the long run when we realize we don’t connect with our partner on a deeper level. That’s when the relationship problems usually begin.

So what should you really look for when finding a partner?

Today, we’ll take a look at just that.

Looking for the Right Partner is a Conscious Decision

perfect partner

Looking for a partner has to be a conscious decision. It comes from maturity and knowing what you really want to find.

First of all, it’s true that there isn’t a perfect person for you. You won’t find someone who has all of the elements that you want.

However, it is possible to be certain that the partner you choose is the best for you.

The key is to pay attention to the following indispensable aspects.

Their fears

perfect partner

Everyone has some kind of fear. However, some of them can negatively interfere with your relationship.

For example, is the person you’ve chosen is afraid of being alone? If so, you will find yourself in a dependent relationship.

If this is the case, you may become overwhelmed by some of your partner’s attitudes. This is especially true of attitudes they use to feel safe and get rid of the fear that you’ll abandon them.

Similarly, they may also be afraid that you’ll be unfaithful. This is especially true if they have gone through similar experiences before. In this case, you need to think about this carefully.

Sometimes, this appears as a lack of confidence. This can translate into constant questions: “Where have you been?”, “Who were you with?”, and control over your phone and social networks.

Pay attention to these fears and be aware of them and how they may affect you before entering into a serious relationship.

Read: What to do if you Love a Married Man

Their personality

perfect partner

They say that opposites attract. However, the truth is it really is necessary that your personality is at least somewhat similar to your partner’s.

For instance, if one of the two people is very organized and the other is very disorganized, this can cause problems.

You can’t change the person you’re in a relationship with.First and foremost, you need to be very clear about this.

It’s possible that the existing differences don’t annoy you at first. Make sure that this continues in the future, too. With time, things in the relationship will start to annoy you that didn’t bother you before. Don’t let yourself be blindly lead by the infatuation stage.

If looking for the right partner is something on your mind, you need to consider this.

Communication styles

There are some people who find it difficult to talk about some subjects, while others can talk about anything.

Communication is essential for every relationship. And if this fails, all will be lost.

Meaningless arguments and various problems can come from a lack of understanding and miscommunication.

Because of this, it’s important to determine the other person’s communication style. Do they really listen to you? Do they talk honestly about what’s going on? Do they usually lie?

Knowing these things can really help your relationship to succeed.

What attracts you to them?

perfect partner

When you’re looking for a relationship, idealization will blind you. This will carry you along and make you forget about everything we’ve mentioned to this point.

However, it’s important to make an effort to be realistic.

After all, when time passes, the magic fades and you both have to work at the relationship. This doesn’t just happen by itself.

Read: How to Find Lasting Love in a Relationship

What’ll keep you together?

There has to be something there. It could be a sense of humor or something about the other person that attracts you. It should be something special and unique.

If it’s not like this, perhaps you’ve found yourself with someone who doesn’t truly stimulate you. You might be feeling a void.

Most importantly, remember that looking for a partner doesn’t always need to be a goal. Sometimes, we may prefer to see where life takes us and wait for someone to appear.

However, if you find yourself in this active search, remember the advice above to set the foundation for future success.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Kreimer, R. (2010). Falacias del amor. ¿Por qué anudamos amor y sufrimiento? Reseñas trabajo Social N.o.
  • García Andrade, A., & Cedillo, P. (2011). Tras los pasos del amor: un recuento desde las ciencias sociales. Estudios Sociológicos.
  • Serrano, G., & Carreño, M. (1993). La teoria de sternberg sobre el amor. Analisis empírico. Psicothema.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.