How to Find Lasting Love in a Relationship
Almost all of us are looking for someone that fits perfectly with us to start our own lasting love story. However, as we know, the subject is more complicated than it may seem.
Establishing meaningful, lasting relationships isn’t easy. Emotional, physical and psychological aspects are so complex that they affect our capacity to do so, and we’re rarely able to control them.
Even if we think that it’s just a matter of luck, destiny or the people we meet, the reality is that it all starts with ourselves.
Some keys to finding long-lasting love
Take care of your self-esteem
Some psychologists believe that when we feel we need a long-lasting relationship the most is when we’re probably dealing with a problem of low self-esteem.
If we are desperately looking for someone serious that will love us, the problem may come from within.
In these cases, the best thing to do is to clear the panorama. Ask ourselves what it is that we really need before making any pressured decisions. If you’re faced with a low self esteem problem, then you are not ready for a stable relationship.
On the contrary, those who have a high self-esteem aren’t constantly thinking about finding someone. They don’t need someone there for them all of the time.
Don’t idealize love
In addition, the way that we look at love can be another inconvenience when it comes to finding it. There are many preconceived ideas, prejudices and misguided cultural teachings about what a relationship should be like.
“Find your Prince Charming,” “live happily ever after” and the classic “you are the only one for me” are just some of the expressions that display this problem. However, the worst thing is that we base our emotions around these ideas.
Unfortunately, in many cases, things don’t work like that. Every person has a different and unique perspective.
Also, the dynamics of interpersonal relationships are much more complicated than those we read about in fairy tales.
Your partner is not an object
The combination of low self-esteem and infatuation almost always turns into the unhealthy custom of jealousy. There are those who tend to think that a serious relationship means doing everything their partner wants. However, that isn’t true:
- In reality, building a relationship doesn’t mean you are anyone’s possession. No human being is anyone’s property.
- Even in a relationship, every person is a free, autonomous being with the right to make his or her own decisions.
Uncontrollable jealousy has destroyed more relationships than you can imagine. A lasting relationship means creating a consensus and negotiations so that each person feels free, respected and loved.
Dealing with crisis
Long-lasting love has many stages. That means that not everything will be perfect.
Sexual attraction, infatuation and becoming a couple are only a summary of everything that takes place when two human beings are together.
If you ask those who have had long relationships, they will confirm this. Crises are an important part of every relationship, because they forge them.
Staying together after a crisis creates a bond between you and your partner makes the relationship stronger and stronger.
However, in order to do that, the solutions cannot be based around what only one person wants. Before focusing on what we want from our “other half,” we should ask ourselves, “what can I do to make everything better?”
Lasting love is a love that makes you better
It’s easy to get into a relationship and fall in love at the start of it. After all, we’re influenced by intense hormones and high hopes. However, the hard thing is to keep this going as the years pass.
Lasting relationships are those where the love is nurtured as the years continue. We don’t stop the caresses, the understanding and all of the other demonstrations of affection.
Doing it should be pleasurable, but also a discipline.
Another way to nurture the love is to learn to put yourself in your partner’s place. Avoid unnecessary arguments. Instead, substitute your arguments for active negotiation.
No one said that it would be easy
In conclusion, being able to get along well enough with someone to want to marry them or have a lasting relationship isn’t easy. What you have to look for are a number of vital aspects: psychological, emotional, spiritual, moral, sexual and social.
However, this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. There are many possibilities when you put forth a lot of effort. Fortunately, this will be worth it when you’re involved with the right person.
Then, the work will be in understanding each other’s differences and continuing to build the relationship.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
Fisher, H. (2009). Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love. Henry Holt and Company.
Carroll, L. (2014). Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love. New World Library.
Begg, A. (2015). Lasting Love: How to Avoid Marital Failure. Moody Publishers.