The Fear of Being in a Romantic Relationship Again
Any kind of extreme has negative consequences. It’s normal to be scared that we might get hurt again, but going to the extremes of not entering a relationship could hurt us even more.
Limiting our experiences will never lead to anything positive. Instead, we should learn from them. Avoiding life experiences will only stop us from growing.
Avoiding fear isn’t a good strategy
What happens when we’re scared of speaking in public? We avoid it…but then we would live with the fear without even having tried to overcome it.
The same thing happens with the fear of being in a relationship again. When the fear is too strong, instead of overcoming it, anxiety and other memories that remind us of what could happen chase us away from the experience.
The fear will always be there in some way, shape or form, and we’ll feel restricted: restricted from meeting someone; restricted from trying to start a relationship with the person that we like; restricted from continuing to learn from all of the relationships that we could have.
When we’re scared of being in a relationship again, thinking of a different fear that we’ve faced before can be a good strategy to overcome it.
Whether it’s a fear that we’ve mentioned previously, such as public speaking, or traveling alone, living abroad, or quitting a job that you didn’t like, there’s bound to be a fear that you’ve successfully confronted.
If you can’t even remember what the fear was in the first place, that only serves to show you how great it is to be free from a fear that bound us so tightly before.
Remember that feeling of being free? The relief from knowing that the fear can’t stop you anymore?
Find it again.
The fear of being in a romantic relationship: philophobia
The fear of being in a relationship again can result from what we know today to be philophobia, which is the fear of falling in love or entering in a romantic relationship.
What are the characteristics of the people who suffer from philophobia?
- Looking for defects in the other person to prove that he or she isn’t the right one for a relationship.
- Starting fights over trivial matters, trying to wear out the other person and make them not want to start a relationship.
- Avoiding the other person’s calls to prevent the relationship from deepening.
Naturally all of these attitudes prevent a person with this fear from entering a relationship again.
These behaviors are a sort of defense mechanism to protect themselves. People who are scared of relationships believe that being in a relationship again will make them vulnerable.
However, is it possible to overcome this fear? We can only know when we’re conscious of having the fear and look for professional help. Sometimes, painful past experiences are hard to overcome on our own.
Freeing ourselves from the weight of our fears
Liberating ourselves from the fear of being in a relationship again is a breath of fresh air. When we let go of the fear, we can meet people without assuming that they want to start something serious.
Furthermore, we can be open to the people around us and let a relationship that we want prosper. That’s definitely a sure sign that everything’s going well.
Pressuring ourselves to overthink what could happen or not isn’t going to help us at all. Why not just live in the present?
Having a bad experience doesn’t mean that you’re going to have it again. If you’ve learned from that experience, you probably won’t repeat it.
Have you ever been scared of entering a relationship again? Have you overcome this fear? Fears exist to be overcome. Once you beat it, you’ll see how much you’ve grown.
Before you go, don’t miss out on: Your Body Can Help You Overcome Your Fears
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Specific phobias – Symptoms and causes. (2016). Retrieved 16 August 2020, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/specific-phobias/symptoms-causes/syc-20355156
Miron, D., & Zeanah, C. H. (2017). Disinhibited social engagement disorder. In Handbook of DSM-5 Disorders in Children and Adolescents (pp. 281-292). Springer, Cham.