Important Signs That Your Partner is Toxic

To begin with, we may think that certain things that our partner does is just down to them giving us excessive amounts of attention or care, but we should be more objective and look beyond that.
Important Signs That Your Partner is Toxic

Last update: 26 May, 2022

It’s possible to be hurt both emotionally and psychologically by someone without them even realizing it or doing it on purpose. This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to be able to see whether your partner is toxic and poisoning your relationship.

When we talk about a toxic relationship, we’re referring to a person that doesn’t let us grow, always demands explanations for everything, and stops us from seeing and spending time with our loved ones.

However, there are other more noticeable signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Find out more below.

A toxic partner suffocates you

A woman in an abusive relationship.

Want to find out more? Read: Signs of being in a toxic relationship

If you look up the definition of “toxic” in the dictionary, you may see that it refers to something poisonous and dangerous to your health.

However, when we talk about toxic relationships, we’re referring to relationships that don’t allow us to be happy. They’re relationships that bring us more sadness or conflict than joy.

Being with someone toxic gradually absorbs all your energy and vitality. It takes away your personality, self-esteem, dreams, and objectives.

Unfortunately, these kind of people let out their frustrations, fears and insecurities on everyone else. Often, without realizing, they monopolize the attention of their loved ones. And because of this they become needy and dependent.

Most of the time, we don’t even realize that their behavior can harm us.

How to spot a toxic relationship

Believe it or not, the signs can be more subtle than you think, or even contradictory. However, if you look closely enough, you’ll realize that your partner is toxic if:

They don’t let you live your own life

  • Maybe they don’t want you to go to university to study a degree, or work away from home. They may not want you to become cultured by going to a concert or to a class to learn a skill.
  • Every time you tell them about an idea or project you have in mind, they do everything they can to ruin it.
  • These people always look for excuses to stop you from bringing your passions to life. They may feel that you might leave them for something better, or that you will no longer be interested in their love.

They tell you how to dress

It’s important to be able to distinguish between well-intended remarks made by your partner and those that are made maliciously.

If, for example, you’re not dressed suitably for a certain occasion or place that you’re going to with your partner, you shouldn’t take any negative comment as being something toxic.

However, if you argue over every outfit you choose to wear or they’re always telling you how you should dress, then you should be wary.

They make you feel guilty for everything

A couple arguing in the street.

When a partner is toxic then you could say they’re like a sort of vampire. However, instead of sucking your blood, they drain your energy.

Also, they may typically say or do things that make you feel guilty for everything that happens to them or for the two of you as a couple. They blame you for all their problems.

Whenever they get angry and start shouting, it’s because you’ve done something bad. If they start to get a bit aggressive, it’s because of your mistakes. Then, when you argue, they never recognize that they may have done something wrong. A person like this is trying to undermine you.

Looking through your things

They may ask you for your Facebook password. They may start looking through your phone history, or even look through your bag or personal drawers at home.

They’re always looking for a reason to make you feel bad.

They don’t trust you and always think that you are cheating on them, lying to them, or you do “that thing” that they don’t like. As they don’t believe you, they feel the need to look through your things to try and overcome their insecurities and jealousy.

This attitude clearly shows that they don’t respect your privacy.

They have too much power over you

In addition, a toxic partner is characterized by being the “alpha” of the relationship.

By this, we mean that they don’t allow you to have your own opinion. If you do, they do everything they can to try and change it. They disregard whatever you have to say and don’t care about your feelings.

If they have too much power over you and the decisions you make, it’s not healthy for either of you.

Remember that you’re independent enough to make your own decisions about what to wear, what to eat, what to say and who to spend your time with.

They control your spending

Toxic partners control your spending.

In addition to this, they may argue that money can only be spent on certain things decided by them, based on what they like or the ideas they have.

They control every last cent that you have in your purse. Or, they may want to know how much you’ve spent on every single thing you buy.

They may say that it’s safer for you to both put your earnings into a joint account, or they don’t let you spend it on things that you want.

Be careful in all of these situations. After all, they’re easy ways to control you and destroy you as a person.

They don’t recognize your achievements

Toxic people believe that no one else can do good and that they don’t deserve any congratulations. If you’ve been offered a new job, have been promoted or graduated from university, they undervalue these achievements.
They won’t admire or praise anything you do and will only focus on the negatives.

For example, they may say that because of your new job, you won’t spend any time together. On the other hand, they may believe that now that you’re a working professional, you’ll leave them for someone else.

Unfortunately, this can escalate. Then, they might start to mock you in front of your friends or family or humiliate you in front of others.

They might make fun of you or show you no respect, belittling or putting down your achievements.

If this sounds like your relationship, it’s time to make a change. No one deserves this toxicity. 

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This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.