What Happens When You Finally Leave a Toxic Relationship

· July 9, 2017

A toxic relationship wears you down, damages your identity, and dilutes your self-esteem. It distorts your basic concepts of what authentic love, noble respect and sharing your life together are all about.

We know that calling certain types of relationships “toxic” is in style. After all, many use this phrase almost excessively to talk about abusive, damaging or controlling behaviors. However, we need to carefully analyze a relationship in detail before using this popular term.

Sometimes, a specific behavior in reality may be caused by a different disorder that would require a different type of attention..

Essentially, we should be cautious with labels.

Complex people and complicated relationships exist in abundance.

However, sometimes one person becomes the epicenter of problems and a whirlpool of emotional, physical or psychological abuse. This is the true nature of a toxic relationship.

If you’ve ever experienced this and have managed to get out of the relationship, you’ll know that this process isn’t easy.

Above all, we want to make it clear that the simple act of ending a relationship with a toxic partner doesn’t automatically mean you’ll experience immediate happiness and well-being. This takes time.

The process is neither easy nor fast.

After a toxic relationship a wound remains

Let’s imagine for a moment a person who is being led by the hand through a thick forest full of branches and brambles.

This person allows themselves to be led because they trust in the other person. However, they know that the journey is exhausting, they’re out of breath, and the branches leave wounds on their skin.

Nothing they can see around them looks beautiful or hopeful.

They finally decide to let go of this hand and distance themselves. They do this to feel free, to recover their happiness and allow the other person to walk ahead alone, along a different path.

When they do this, they experience intense and contradictory feelings:

  • They barely recognize themselves. As a result of this traumatic journey, they’re left with many scars and open wounds.
  • They feel exhausted. It’s hard to breathe and their only option is to stay still and quiet for a while to recover.
  • They’re lost. They’ve stopped in a part of the forest where they don’t know the way. They don’t know which direction to take now.

After leaving a toxic relationship, the woman or man will find relief, that’s for sure. However, the feeling of well-being will not be immediate.

What they will feel is the need to retreat, to find themselves again, to identify their wounds, to reflect and think about where they are in their life and what they should do.

Read also: How to Live with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Time to heal, time to retreat

The last thing someone should do after leaving a toxic relationship is seek relief in a new relationship.

Nobody can heal themselves by getting into another relationship immediately. Doing this is not therapeutic or healthy.

This is principally because nobody else is obliged to fix our wounds, to be our anesthetic or our remedy to help us forget.

Overall, the best thing to do is give ourselves time to make this inward journey. We need time to recover our self-esteem, repair our identity, nourish our hopes and learn to trust in ourselves.

We must let go of hatred, fear and frustration to emerge much stronger from our shells of intimacy much stronger.

Like it or not, we need to formalize some kind of concrete mourning process. Little by little, this will help us to:

  • Release our emotions
  • Channel our anger
  • Develop a resilient attitude
  • Remember what we are worth and what we deserve.

Only when we love ourselves again will we be ready to let ourselves find the right person.

Read also: Why Do So Many Relationships End?

My dignity doesn’t accept bargains or new toxic relationships

You’ve probably met at least one person who, after leaving one toxic relationship, gets into another.

Falling into the same abusive and wearing dynamic is more common than you think.

Remember: we should build healthy self-esteem and remember that our dignity cannot be sold, bought or bargained for.

It’s extremely important to remember that we deserve the best. Loving doesn’t mean suffering, and  solitude in harmony is always preferable over insane, selfish and damaging love.

To conclude, we want to make it clear that the simple act of leaving a toxic relationship will not give you immediate happiness.

We need to repair ourselves and heal our self-esteem and dignity to always remember not to fall back into damaging relationships.

Let’s make sure that this experience allows us to learn to say “never again” to toxic love.

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