Why Relationships End? Here's What Might Be Causing It

28 March, 2020
Many relationships end because, after the beginning stages, it seems like the other person has changed. However, what's really changed is your way of seeing him or her.

Relationships are a very important part of our lives. Taking care of them and keeping them happy and healthy is essential. But many times, relationships end and we’re left wondering what happened! For many, romantic relationships are the hardest ones of all. After all, we give our whole selves to the other person. We put all of our love, all of our dreams out onto the table… However, it still breaks.

Relationships end for a variety of reasons. We probably won’t talk about anything you don’t already know. However, we will address some mistakes that you may still be making.

The real reasons why relationships end

Different expectations, dreams, and desires

a change in expectations is one of the most common causes for relationship endings

This is definitely the number one cause of many breakups. In the beginning, everything is new. You’re getting to know the person who has captivated your heart. You want to do things with them, get to know all the circles they move about in, share what you like and learn what they like… As you get to know each other more, you start to imagine a future together where you share all your dreams. You might think of having kids or envision what your house together will be like.

But is there anything that bothers you about them? No. That’s interesting…They seem perfect...but it won’t always be like that.

Over time, there will be certain things that will drive you crazy about your partner. However, those things aren’t new. They’ve been there since the day you met. You just were too enamored to realize! The key at this point is re-learning about your partner, and coming together with their true self. Don’t worry, sooner or later they’ll be going through the same situation with you! If you decide you love your partner, faults and all, then this relationship might be the right one for you.

relationships end because expectations aren't realistic from the beginning

Ripping the blindfold off from the beginning of the relationship is vital to keep it from ending.

Read this: 4 Excuses That Shouldn’t Prevent You From Ending Your Relationship

You can’t bother to make the effort (AKA, you’re in a rut)

Remember those little surprises? How much effort you took to please your partner, make them like you and happy? Now that you have them, what are you doing?

At the beginning of relationships, you love winning over the other person. You give them everything. But when you get what you want, all originality and effort go out the window. It’s easy to get used to it. You relax when you finally have the person you wanted by your side. However, you should be wooing them every day.

Otherwise, you’ll fall into a boring rut. This is another reason that relationships end: ruts or a lack of effort to keep captivating their heart and making them keep falling in love with you.

Discover What To Do When You Become Disillusioned with Your Partner

Don’t ever forget that love must be cultivated. When you stop watering it, it can live for a while, but will eventually die. Relationships don’t work if you’re lazy. If you give a lot at the beginning, you’ll have to keep it up if you don’t want a sad end.

Toxic relationships

If jealousy, manipulation, trying to change the other person, or dependency appears, you’re in a toxic relationship.

This isn’t love anymore, but rather lies, coercion, and/or control. Maybe this all surfaces because of misconceptions about relationships. You think loving is possessing, so you get jealous: you’re afraid of losing your property. When it drives you to despair, you start trying to manipulate the other person so they do what you want, and you think it’s fair.

Without realizing it, you’re asking them to change. But you have to remember: you fell in love with a free, unique, authentic person, not a person who acts just like you want them to.

toxic relationships, whether romantic or not, aren't healthy for you

Most relationships end because we are not able to be happy with the other person (or vice-versa). You can love without possessing, and this should be a beautiful thing, not a reason to be sad. However, preconceived notions about relationships follow us and every time we start a new one, expectations, fears, and the need to possess come up. This is something for you to fix before you enter another toxic relationship.

A final word

These are only a fraction of the reasons why relationships end. Of course, there are reasons are there are couples, but in general, a lot of problems within a couple stem from these situations. If you know what went wrong in your last relationship, think about it! You have it in you to change your patterns and become a better partner.

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  • Karney, B. R., Beckett, M. K., Collins, R. L., & Shaw, R. (2007). Adolescent romantic relationships as precursors of healthy adult marriages: A review of theory, research, and programs (Vol. 488). Rand Corporation.
  • Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2013). The role of self-compassion in romantic relationships. Self and Identity12(1), 78-98.
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  • Motz, A. (2014). Toxic couples: The psychology of domestic violence. Routledge.