How to Live with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Living with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder isn't easy. You need to be conscious of how you treat them and learn to set boundaries.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) makes life difficult for many couples.

However, it’s not impossible to keep a relationship. You just need to keep certain aspects in mind for the relationship to be healthy and unfold the best way.

It’s important that you are very aware that helping your partner with BPD doesn’t mean you’re going to change them.

This disease needs to be monitored by a professional. With this, you can hope for improvement.

However, it’s necessary to know that this is a lifelong disease. There will be relapses, but there will also be moments when you hardly know it’s there.

However, the disease will always be there.

Typical behavior for a couple with BPD

We’re going to start with the most common behaviors for couples in which one of the members suffers from BPD.

Many people hurt the other person. Unfortunately, this makes them worse and encourages the symptoms to continue.


Remember that you’re talking about individuals with a great emotional instability and a very polarized thought process. As a result, you need to be especially careful how you treat them.

There are many ways couples try to deal with this problem:

  • Some people to abandon the person with BPD when they aren’t satisfied. Or they threaten to break up and go out with them again when they change their behavior.  This increases the emotional instability for someone with BPD.
  • Some ignore the behaviors they think are unacceptable. This turns them into an enabler of the disease. It encourages the pathological behaviors of BPD.
  • Some look for balance, letting them be guided by PBD. They feel guilty if things don’t get better. They may think that it’s their own fault.
  • Some choose to be silent. They don’t talk about the problem with their partner. This includes hiding their day to day actions from family and friends. This way, they keep the person with PBD from knowing what’s happening.
  • Before problems or crises, some remember that the other person loves them deeply. They know that the difficulty rests in the fact that their partner isn’t responsible for their actions.

Unfortunately, the majority of these approaches are wrong. In some, the you are participating in the problem. In others, you are justifying their actions and not saying anything. As a result, their actions won’t change.

Act like a mirror, not a sponge

It’s easy to get overwhelmed with this disease. This is especially true if you have any of the aforementioned behaviors.

We want to protect our partner. However, this isn’t the best way to do it. Living with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder is very difficult. You need to be conscious of how you act towards them.

Your goal is to help them subdue the symptoms so that they don’t continue.

To do this, it’s necessary that you’re true to your beliefs and values. If you think that what they’re doing is wrong, you need to tell them.

It’s wrong to justify their behaviors. As a pair, it’s important to establish a line that you aren’t going to cross, come what may.

Communicate clearly that you are not able to support certain behaviors and stay true to this. If you’re weak, everything will go wrong.

Threats don’t work

Talking about the problem is necessary. This lets the person with BPD know where you stand and together, you can come up with a solution.

However, sometimes, they can annoy us and we turn to easy threats. This should never happen You will make the situation worse. Plus, you’ll increase their emotional instability.

Learn to say “no”. Learn to voice what you feel. Most importantly, never feel responsible for the behavior of your partner with BPD.

If you stop trying to treat the other person as someone fragile who needs protecting, everything will start to flow.

Keep being you. Be careful with negative behaviors like lying, misleading, or not trusting the person with BPD. Remember that their thought process is polarized. Their emotions are sometimes out of their control.

Act according to your principles. Place limits and don’t let yourself get carried away with the external disease. This will guarantee balance in the relationship.

It will be hard. It’s a path full of boulders and holes.

However, if you are willing to be with this person, it will be worth it.

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