Be Happy In Your Own Way, Not How Others Tell You

· September 11, 2016

When it comes to happiness, you don’t need to adapt to society’s demands or guidelines. Everyone has their own formula for being happy.

There are few things out there that are as desired and complex as simply being happy. For a lot of people, rather than being something they’re worried about, happiness and well-being are constant in their lives.

But most people are looking for answers in books and are trying to explain what exactly is happening around them and in their own minds. This paints their days with such a dull color, making stress and worry into those uncomfortable, constant companions.

It’s not easy. Believe it or not; it is hard to enjoy that inner peace that says “I’m good, I don’t want or need anything more.”

But it’s important to keep two essential things in mind:

  • There is no magical formula to be happy.
  • The second thing is just as basic: be happy in your own way.  Not everything works in the same way for everyone, and no one has the right to tell you how you need to be.

Personal well-being is a very intimate and personal path that you yourself must find, choose and create.  Here are a few things to keep in mind.

Keys to remember today, to be happy tomorrow

woman with black cat

Positive psychology reminds us of those “bad” habits that a lot of people have: waiting the entire week for Friday to come along so you can have some fun, waiting for vacation to relax, and dreaming that the perfect partner comes along to teach you what true love is.

If you limit yourself to waiting, to postponing and to scheduling your happiness…what do you have in the meantime?  This is one of the most common problems that people have.

But another common thing is that a lot of times, people understand happiness from a perspective of external constructs, ideas that other people, or even society, have projected. Or that even you yourself have projected.

  • The obligation to “have things” in order to be happy: a good job, a house, the latest cell phone, lots of shoes, furniture, computers…
  • The idea that in order to be happy you have to have a partner, kids, lots and lots of friends…

Slowly you end up falling into a kind of psychological materialism that converts you into not only anxious “consumers”, but into eternal searchers for happiness that other people make for you.

This is not right. Let’s look through a few different scopes to reflect on.

What about you? What do you do to be happy?

Making positive decisions is one of the most effective secrets to happiness on a daily basis.

In order to be happy, you must make decisions that you find convenient and not ones that other people have decided are best for you.

  • If happiness for you means staying at home over the weekend reading peacefully, then let those people go that say you’re boring.
  • If happiness for you means loving yourself without needing to find someone else to love you, then stop listening to people who say it’s time for you to find the perfect partner.
  • If happiness for you means having a job you’re passionate about, don’t listen to people who say you need to find a job that pays more.
woman in lotus position

I’m going to be happy and I don’t know when I’ll be back

“Go and be happy.”  It’s that simple, it’s that pure.  Sometimes we cling to certain places, certain customs, things and people that we get stuck in. This blocks you from seeing what your priorities are.

We fall into tiny viscous circles where we tell ourselves that routine is better than spontaneity, that it’s better to stick to what other people expect of you, rather than disappoint them…

  • All of this, even though you don’t realize it, is creating an endless list of defense mechanisms that turn you into a prisoner. You stop letting yourself be happy because you think it’s better to stick to the path that other people have chosen for you.
  • But how can I do something that my family doesn’t want me to? How can I react if my friends won’t understand? How can I tell my partner that I’m just not that happy anymore?

Decide to be true to yourself. Go and be happy.

drawing of woman

My plan for today: be happy

We said it at the beginning: happiness is not postponed until Friday, or vacations, or for when you have a bigger house or the perfect partner.

  • Life is now, in this very moment. Of course we all have obligations and there will always be someone that tells you “you can’t be happy if you have to stick to a schedule or go to a job everyday.”

You need to reinterpret these ideas appropriately. Find a job that makes you feel good. Have responsibilities that personally enrich you. Make your routines important and useful for you.

No matter what you do, find your own interests. Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel used, manipulated or unhappy. At the end of the day, we only have one life… so why not take advantage of it?