I'm Distancing Myself Because I Love Myself

There's no reason why loving someone else should get in the way of loving yourself. However, it's always a good idea that when in a relationship, to put your own well-being first, so that neither of you gets hurt.
I'm Distancing Myself Because I Love Myself
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 27 May, 2022

Before spewing out a sincere and heartfelt “I love you”, you should first take a moment every day to tell yourself “I love myself, and I know that I deserve to be happy.” 

It’s not easy to separate these two very intimate spheres of life. Your needs and your partner’s need are both equally complex. However, you absolutely must keep an eye on your own self-esteem and identity.

If you have ever lived through a moment that required you to leave behind the person you loved because you were aware that maintaining that relationship was just as painful as it was self-destructive. If so, you surely know how hard it is to make such a decision.

Something that everyone should know, especially teens that are starting to live their first romantic relationships, is that genuine love doesn’t hurt.

Love should be beautiful, comforting and wise. Therefore, that “I love you” and “I love myself” are not like water and vinegar. Let’s take a moment to reflect on this.

I love myself enough to love you with all my soul

People that don’t love themselves will find it hard to establish a sincere and healthy relationship. Obviously, none of us are self-made sages about love, relationships, and the mutual understanding that respects, and builds genuine happiness.

Love is built on a daily basis, but only when both parties want to, and when they’re not seeking to only satisfy their own needs.

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Woman that said "I love myself" while putting her hand on her heart

People that don’t love themselves

  • People that don’t love themselves try to find other people to satisfy their own short-comings and emotional needs.
  • It’s impossible to tend to your own self-esteem and identity when in a romantic relationship with someone that doesn’t love themselves. You end up concentrating all of your energy on tending to them, on making that person happy.
  • Sometimes, when you fall in love with someone that doesn’t love themselves, you end up thinking you’re going to “save” them, which will be the answer to their problems and will bring light to all their darkness.
  • But what ends up happening here is that you end up emotionally exhausted, to the point of forgetting about yourself.

You love yourself enough to love the way you deserved to be loved

A mature relationship is a conscious relationship. Neither member blackmails the other, there’s no “yours and mine”, and much less “because I say so.”

In a mature relationship, you can say “I love myself” because you know that it is only when you feel complete, not afraid of being alone, and when knowing how to create your own happiness. Only then will you be able to give the best of yourself to the other person.

  • If you love myself, you won’t force you to calm your fears, fill in your shortcomings, to be my daily savior or to give yourself “air” every time you need to breathe.

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woman holding heart shaped balloon

I forgive you, but I’m leaving you

As mentioned in the beginning, most people have had to leave someone that they loved at some point. The reason for distancing yourself could be due to infidelity, being tired, or realizing that you’re not being loved the way you deserve.

  • So, regardless of what’s causing you to break this romantic connection, it needs to be done through forgiveness. This could be hard, you could feel like you’re losing your head. It might be very painful, but this is the only way to close this chapter in your life.
  • Your own love and dignity are true nutrients to the heart. They help you always act maturely during the most complicated moments.
  • Without self-esteem, you could be maintaining a toxic relationship solely out of fear of being alone, fear of leaving the person you love, and even though they make you unhappy, you prefer having them because you’re more afraid of being without the other half that completes you.

You absolutely should not fall into these types of situations. Self-love is what gives you the personal strength that helps you leave something that has no future, when it no longer supports you, and when it brings you more tears than happiness.

Don’t forget: You’re never being selfish by reminding yourself every day that you love yourself and you deserve to be happy.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Armogathe, Jean-Robert. (2006). Pascal e o amor-próprio. Kriterion: Revista de Filosofia47(114), 223-236. https://dx.doi.org/10.1590/S0100-512X2006000200003
  • Martín López-Andrade, Laura. (2009). Erotomanía, amor y enamoramiento: Contradicciones. Revista de la Asociación Española de Neuropsiquiatría29(1), 157-169. Recuperado en 19 de febrero de 2019, de http://scielo.isciii.es/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&;pid=S0211-57352009000100012&lng=es&tlng=es.
  • Sellés, Juan Fernando. (2013). Del amor personal humano al divino: Un estudio desde la antropología trascendental de L. Polo. Veritas, (28), 85-111. https://dx.doi.org/10.4067/S0718-92732013000100004
  • Castro, K., Planellas, I., & Kirchner, T. (2014). Predicción de conducta autodestructiva en adolescentes mediante tipologías de afrontamiento. Universitas Psychologica, 13(1).
  • Buganza, J. (2009). Reflexiones en torno al concepto de felicidad a partir de Francesco María Zanotti. En-claves del pensamiento, 3(5), 83-1000.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.