There’s no reason that loving someone else needs to get in the way of loving yourself, but it’s always a good idea that, when in a relationship, you put your own well-being first, so that neither of you get hurt.
Before spewing out a sincere and heartfelt “I love you”, you should first take a moment every day to tell yourself “I love myself, and I know that I deserve to be happy.”
It’s not easy to separate these two very intimate spheres of life. They are both equally complex, your needs and your partner’s needs. But you absolutely must keep an eye on your own self-esteem and identity.
If you have ever lived through a time when you had to leave behind the person you loved because you were aware that maintaining that relationship was as painful as it was self-destructive, then I’m sure you know just how hard it is to make this decision.
But something that everyone should know, especially teens that are starting their first romantic relationships, is that authentic love does not hurt.
Love should be beautiful, comforting and wise, so that “I love you” and “I love myself” are not like water and oil.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on this.
I love myself enough to love you with all my soul
People that don’t love themselves will find it hard to establish a sincere and healthy relationship. Obviously none of us are self-made sages about love, relationships, and the mutual understanding that respects, and builds authentic happiness.
Love is built every day, but only when both parties want to, and when they’re not seeking to only satisfy their own needs.
People that don’t love themselves
- People that don’t love themselves try to find other people to satisfy their own short-comings and emotional needs.
- It’s impossible to tend to your own self-esteem and identity when in a romantic relationship with someone that doesn’t love themselves. You end up concentrating all of your energy on tending to them, on making that person happy.
- Sometimes, when you fall in love with someone that doesn’t love themselves, we end up thinking we’re going to “save” them, that we will be the answer to their problems and will bring light to all their darkness.
- But what ends up happening here is that you end up emotionally exhausted, to the point of forgetting yourself.
I love myself enough to love you the way you deserve
A mature relationship is a conscious relationship. Neither member blackmails the other, there’s no “yours and mine”, and much less “because I say so.”
In a mature relationship you can say “I love myself” because I know that it is only when I feel complete, unafraid of being alone, and when I know how to create my own happiness, only then will I be able to give the best of myself to the other person.
- If I love myself, I won’t force you to calm my fears, fill in my shortcomings, to be my daily savior or to give me “air” every time I need to breathe.
I forgive you, but I’m leaving you
As we were talking about in the beginning, most of us have had to leave someone that we loved at some point. The reason being for that distance could be infidelity, being tired, or realizing that we’re not being loved the way we deserve to be.
- So, regardless of what’s causing you to break this romantic connection, it needs to be done through forgiveness. This could be hard, you could feel like you’re losing your head it hurts so much, but this is the only way to close this chapter in your life.
- Your own love and dignity are true nutrients to the heart. They help you to always act maturely during the most complicated moments.
- Without self-esteem, you could be maintaining a toxic relationship solely out of fear of being alone, fear of leaving the person you love, and even though they make you unhappy, you prefer having them because you’re more afraid of being without the other half that completes you.
You absolutely should not fall into these types of situations. Self-love is what gives you the personal strength that helps you leave something when it doesn’t have a future, when it no longer supports you, and when it brings you more tears than happiness.
Don’t forget: You’re never being selfish by remembering every day “I love myself, and I deserve to be happy.”