If a Couple Agrees on Everything, then One Wears the Pants

It's not always healthy if a couple agrees on everything. After all, little arguments and different points of view also help us to grow as people.
If a Couple Agrees on Everything, then One Wears the Pants
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 27 May, 2022

No couple, however strong, mature and respectful their relationship is, always agrees on everything.

A strong and mature relationship is one that allows us to respect each others’ differences so that bridges are built through dialogue and a good compromise.

You may have also heard someone enthusiastically tell you that “My partner and I never argue about anything and he agrees on everything we do!” This type of phrase is often followed by something like “We’re soulmates.”

It’s undoubtedly exciting to believe that there really are couples who are so similar in everything they believe and do. However, we all know that this isn’t common.

This doesn’t just refer to romantic relationships, however.

Friends also have their differences that can be dealt in the same way. In addition, every family has their fair share of arguments and differences of opinions, which sometimes can feel insurmountable. However, most families are still able to live with and respect each other.

In today’s article, we’re going to explore this topic.

If a Couple Always Agrees on Everything, One Partner has Control

This may sound negative and may even annoy many people. Is it really so strange that a couple agrees on everything?

The answer is yes.

What happens, then, in the case of two people who never discuss anything because it seems like there are no discrepancies between them?

One of the two has the power and exercises it relentlessly, whether they’re aware of it or not.

Power in a relationship

There’s a mini power struggle in every relationship.

However, this is far from a problem. In fact, this exchange of power helps us to get to know ourselves better and to settle differences in opinion.

It’s possible that one partner always objects to everything. The other partner, in turn, learns to manage these situations and bring the discrepancies to a calmer terrain where both parties can reach a compromise.

Having said that, in some cases, there isn’t even room for any differences. It’s all or nothing. “Either you agree with what I think or it’s over.”

In this latter case, we have two options: to give in or to end the relationship. The complexity of it all is that there are people who are so in love with their partner that they can’t bear to end the relationship.

Instead, they decide to give in. They prefer to be silent, to say yes to everything and not object, because letting things go allows them to keep the relationship afloat.

Thinking Differently but Working Together

No relationship where one partner has all the power can be truly satisfactory or happy. No matter how hard we try to “want to agree” with who we’re in love, it’s impossible.


  • Not agreeing on certain aspects doesn’t mean that your partner loves you less, or that you love them less.
  • Love is not about magically being the same as someone and agreeing with everything they say. The real power and true beauty of a relationship is being able to respect differences and reach agreements.
  • Moreover, the simple fact that we have different interests can be enriching. This is because it helps us to have other points of view, to learn from each other and to broaden our perspectives.

Reaching Agreements is about Willingness and Reciprocity

agrees on everything

We know that the words “argue” or “have differences” seem very negative to us.

However, it’s time to understand that these things are the only way for a relationship to advance and for any bond with someone to be healthy, sincere and dynamic. We must learn to manage our differences.

In order to reach agreements and compromise, each partner must genuinely acknowledge the other.

Qualities such as empathy and active listening are essential, especially in a romantic relationship. These qualities are all a part of completely emotionally opening up to your partner.

Likewise, reciprocity is an essential part of every relationship. This is because it’s important to understand that loving someone doesn’t mean just giving. It also requires being able to receive, understand, and respect.

All of this should help us understand that any couple capable of reaching agreements for the common good will undoubtedly be able to achieve a happier and long lasting bond.

It’s worth working on it.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Bonino Méndez, L. (1997). Micromachismos: La Violencia Invisible En La Pareja. Micromachismos: La Violencia Invisible En La Pareja. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-540-79567-4_76
  • Fiol, E. B., Pérez, V. a. F., Buades, M. C. G., Tous, M. C. M., Guzmán, C. N., & Espinosa, G. (2007). Del mito del amor romántico a la violencia contra las mujeres en la pareja. Estudios e investigaciones.
  • Barón, M. J. O., Zapiain, J. G., & Apodaca, P. (2002). Apego y satisfacción afectivo-sexual en la pareja. Psicothema.
  • Medina, J. L., Martínez, M. U. M., Aguilar, Y. P., de Oca, M., Fuentes, N. I. G. A. L., & González, R. B. (2012). Deseabilidad social en la pareja. Revista electrónica de psicología Iztacala, 15(2), 394-404.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.