Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like longing for snow in summertime, trying to sail a ship without sails, or waiting for a train at the airport.
It is fruitless and painful; yet in spite of knowing and being aware that they are not loved, it’s terribly difficult for some people to break that bond overnight.
Unrequited love is a common melody among humankind. There is no certain point at which to discover the meaning of disinterest from the person who has caught your attention, or the rejection from a person on whom you had projected all of your dreams.
When confronted in an appropriate way, it can be a good strategy for personal growth. It allows you to understand that the most important thing is to maintain your self-esteem without losing your dignity.
But arriving at a situation in which another person has made it clear that there’s no hope and yet maintaining that need to wait to be loved, while receiving only “crumbs”, can be very destructive.
We invite you to reflect on this.
Love without being loved, unrequited love
To love without being loved creates an incompatibility in your brain. All of your emotional investments have built a territory inhabited by dreams, hopes, and beliefs that collide with the wall of reality: you are not loved.
Of course you can say that the situation isn’t always that simple. First of all, there are nuances and special cases that add greater emotional complexity to these situations, which we’ll analyze below.
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When they give you false hopes
“If you love, care for it; if it’s not love, don’t delude yourself.” This should be the main essence that defines who we are and helps us establish more mature and respectful relationships.Sometimes you can get carried away both personally and emotionally by a person who only gives you hope for some concrete benefit.
- They might feel alone and to avoid that isolation they make you believe that you’re something important in their heart, while in reality, this isn’t the truth. It’s something that’s very dangerous.
- False hopes can also be due to the poor emotional strength of someone who can’t say “no, I don’t love you, I’m not interested in that.”
- Instead of stopping it, they get carried away by the fear of hurting or disappointing you.
- This can also occur at the level of romantic partners. Maybe one of the two members no longer loves the other and rather than coming clean, they drag out the situation causing a false and painful relationship.
When you don’t know how to respond
Loving someone is an intimate, delicate, and profound process that builds with time and goes through very important stages.
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- When you are faced with negativity or are already fully aware that you are not, nor will you be, loved, it creates a situation in which you don’t know how to react.
- Knowing that you’re not loved means living at an impasse, a loss. The first feelings are usually denial and rejection of the truth.
- Later you will have no choice but to go through the following phases: awareness, anger, emotional release, and finally acceptance.
You are a person with dignity, who never deserves “crumbs”
There is always hope. You tell yourself that perhaps if you do this or that, the person will love you again or “return to being the one who once loved you.”
But while love can be the most intense and wonderful aspect of being human, it can also be the most painful wound, the blindest and even most obsessive dimension.
- You can’t fall into a cycle of slow self-destruction. Above all of these stages of intense emotional pain, one dimension must prevail: love yourself.
- It’s best to turn away and let distance be your life vest, the medicine that will allow you to reconnect with yourself.
- This time of withdrawal includes more than not seeing the person anymore. You must break all ties in social networks, where it’s too easy to succumb to the desire to see them and continue loving them or sharing things, or to find out who they are seeing now.
This should be avoided.Beautiful love does not hurt or feed false hopes. That’s why if you’re not loved you need to let go, say goodbye and move on by yourself to resume your relationship with yourself, your identity.
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Sooner or later the person who is right for you will appear, and if it hasn’t happened yet it doesn’t matter. Self-love is a wonderful adventure that is always needed to enjoy life and move forward.