Don't Let Love Change Who You Are
In a lot of relationships people unconsciously try to “change” the person they’re with. This is more pronounced in romantic relationships, where there’s almost always someone who tries to make the person they love change.
However, have you ever stopped to think about the fact that that person wants you to love them the way they are, and not the way you want them to be?
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Love Me as I Am, with All my Strengths and Flaws
No one is perfect and it’s rare to find someone who perfectly complements their partner all of the time. Each of us is unique, and that’s something special.
If someone wants you to change, that person doesn’t truly appreciate who you are.
What if you don’t change?
Things will start to go wrong and the relationship will fall apart.
This is why if you find yourself feeling sort of like someone’s puppet, eventually you’ll realize that you’re profoundly unhappy.
People who want to share their life with you need to accept you the way you are, without trying to change it. If you let love change you, you stop being yourself and turn into someone completely different.
People should love you the way you are. When someone tries to change you and you let it happen, it’s because you’re insecure and you think things will go better if you follow their lead.
The trouble is, this won’t solve your problems.
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Unfortunately, this is a sign that maybe the two of you shouldn’t be together. Perhaps the desire and love that you feel for each other is because you’re two very different people. Maybe there are other problems that you don’t want to get worse, so you camouflage them by trying to change.
Either way, you’re avoiding the truth: you’d be better off with someone else.
Love Me More, Love Me Better
There are toxic people out there who try to manipulate others to do what they want.
This happens in a lot of relationships, and it’s something that occurs when someone else wants you to change. They may truly want to be with you, and perhaps you really want that, too.
However, this is not the way to do it, because they don’t accept you for who you are.
People tend to give up nearly everything in a relationship to avoid taking on the blame that perhaps they didn’t do everything they could have to save it. They don’t want it to end because they didn’t try to change.
However, if you’re doing this, the changes you make are not positive—quite the opposite.
Sometimes, people don’t know the difference between the quantity and quality of love. It’s better to be with someone that you love better than someone you simply love a lot.
Don’t settle for anything—you deserve someone who loves you better.
If you have low self-esteem or suffer from insecurity, you’ll probably change yourself when someone wants you to.
If this happens, it’s OK. Don’t be hard on yourself. However, it’s time for you to learn who you are an how to be happy.
After all, how can you have a happy relationship if you’re unhappy? How can you love someone else if you can’t truly love yourself?
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Beware of Toxic Relationships and Love Yourself
Beware of this kind of toxic relationship that can keep you from seeing things as they truly are.
Love blinds all of us, and it makes us want to do things like change so our partner will see that we’re fighting to save the relationship.
Of course, you have to work hard for a good relationship. However, it’s never about going so far as to cost you your very essence and who you are.
The next time someone asks you to change, tell them: “Love me as I am, because I won’t change.”
Your partner should accept you for who you are, and if they don’t, it’s not worth being together. This test isn’t only proof of their love; it’s proof of your love for yourself.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
Förster, J., Özelsel, A., & Epstude, K. (2010). How love and lust change people’s perception of relationship partners. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 46(2), 237-246.
House, R. (1996). Love, intimacy and therapeutic change. Self & Society, 24(1), 21-26.