Detachment Is A Form of Personal Integrity

· December 7, 2016
It can be said that detachment consists of not needing anything. We are not saying that we aren't missing anything, just that we aren't obsessed and are happy with what we already have

The word “detachment” is currently being used a lot in books and articles on self-help, personal growth, and spirituality.

Something that is happening very often is that we have a tendency to confuse certain terms and focuses. Detachment doesn’t mean “not having anything” or creating emotional relationships where we carefully avoid emotional attachment that brings us security and well-being.

Detachment is something more intimate. At the same time, it is essential for our psychological and emotional balance. Detachment means trying to avoid the things, and people, that possess us.

We have to be capable of giving ourselves to others freely to create more harmonious and respectful relationships. These relationships need to be without dependencies, victimization, or the recurring words “without you I am nothing.”

We invite you to reflect on this.

Attachment and detachment

The term “detachment” has its roots in Buddhism. However, in the field of psychology and pedagogy, we have, for example, growth with attachment and a healthy attachment.

These are two distinct concepts that are necessary to understand so that we can benefit from them. We can use these concepts to build relationships that are fuller, where we give respect, and at the same time are respected.

girl-with-butterflies-in-her-hands

Healthy attachment

For Buddhism, one of the major focuses of suffering is attachment. However, the connotation that it has here is not the same as attachment in the field of growth or emotional relationships.

Let’s take a look at this in detail.

Human beings, when they are born, need their fellow men to live and learn about the world.

  • Growth with healthy attachment is where parents tend to the needs of the child. It is where the child is allowed to stay near to feel secure, and where caresses and hugs and a bond nurtured by love are key for the development of this child.
  • Emotional relationships based on a mature attachment are those where two people give themselves to the other freely in order to build a respectful and happy relationship.
  • The people we need to strengthen ties with are those who we love, those who we can develop a kind of attachment in which we feel safe. These people are those who we feel close to and who we love and are loved by.

The moment that dependence, blackmail, and the need for control arise, that relationship is no longer healthy. It turns into something toxic.

Detachment is a form of personal integrity

Now, we’ll go deeper into what detachment is to clarify some important aspects. This term doesn’t completely mean that we give up everything we have. Getting rid of absolutely everything is not synonymous with happiness.

Lacking essential things is a major focus of uncertainty, fear, and sadness. Now then, too many dependencies are focal points for suffering. These include activities that tie us to things, people, and places.

  • If we build our lives around one person, that can be bad. When our happiness depends on the mood, whims, and attitudes of one individual, “there is something hurting us.”
  • If we are so attached to our families that we don’t dare to move out of the house, “something is hurting us.”
  • If we are tied to our jobs for any reason, “something is hurting us.” There are many reasons, too. It could be the desire to get a better position at work, or earn more money, or even to move up in society.
  • In all of these cases, something is hurting us. We are forgetting to be happy.butterfly

Detachment is a form of personal integrity. It reminds us that happiness doesn’t belong to everyone. Also, it tells us happiness doesn’t lie in getting more.

Happiness is first born inside of us. This then lets us feel complete, free, and mature.

How to apply “detachment” in our daily lives

  • Accept uncertainty. When you decide on a goal, don’t put all of your hopes and happiness on the outcome. Learning from the process and accepting uncertainty are fundamental.
  • Don’t focus your well-being and happiness on what everyone else is doing. Or even what they aren’t doing. That is a source of suffering we should learn how to control.
  • Decide to depend on your own actions. Also, know how to be receptive to what others do spontaneously. But don’t expect anything.
  • If you obsess over people doing things for you, you will be unhappy.
  • Don’t confuse wants with necessity. They are not the same. For example, I want to win the lottery because I need to get the prize money to fix all of my problems. This is just something I want.
  • Insecure people are the ones who cling the most to those around them. They value having things because that is how they satisfy their emotional needs.
  • Take care of your self-esteem. Fill your needs with the security of knowing you are a whole person. Know that you are not only capable of being happy, but making others happy too.