Learn to Identify These 5 Types of Emotional Vampires

The best thing you can do to keep these types of people from affecting your mental health is to get away from them.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Bernardo Peña.

Written by Raquel Aldana

Last update: 13 January, 2023

Just like the other relationships that we develop throughout our lives, emotional ties grow one way or another depending on how they are nurtured. Naturally, if we feed them sadness, envy, complaints, or constant anger, what we will create are unhealthy ties. Here’s where we must be careful of emotional vampires.

Who are these emotional vampires

There are relationships that may be excessively harmful to us, creating a drama of enormous dimension and attacking our emotional balance. There are people who, intentionally or not, can make us feel depressed, overwhelmed, angry, or can even destroy us emotionally.

The truth is that, without effective self-defense strategies to keep them at bay, we become a delicious dish for emotional manipulators. In turn, this makes us develop unhealthy behaviors and symptoms (overeating, isolating ourselves, mood swings, feeling constantly tired).

There are many names for these types of people: toxic people, emotional vampires or predators, parasites, etc. Although this classification has no scientific basis, there are people who are exhausting and make us fall into a state of emotional collapse that we find difficult to bear.

Below we will define 5 types of people who are toxic to our emotional health. And so, these people suck our energy like a vampire and stalk us like a predator. Therefore, they are emotional vampires.

1. The passive-aggressive person

They are experts in covering up and sugar-coating hostility. They express their anger with a smile on their face or with excessive worry, but always with a restraint that is exasperating.

Most of us have used this technique at one time but, these people abuse it, causing us to lose our cool before them. The best self-defense strategy is to direct their behavior, fully maintaining our convictions, by creating boundaries and sticking to them.

We deserve to be treated with love and sincerity and we must not let them speak to us “as if they were pardoning our life.”

2. The narcissist

They believe they are the center of the universe. Some of the characteristics are self-centered, conceited, and are hungry for admiration and attention. And so, they can be smart and lovable people until they see their status or intellectual authority in jeopardy.

They can work as enthusiastic and creative people as long as their goals are the same. However, when your needs are incompatible, they pull out their fangs.

Their motto is “me first,” so expressing our needs in an assertive manner will have no effect on them. Additionally, they usually lack any empathy, or they have it well buried, they can have difficulty in understanding unconditional love outside of themselves. They are the first and when that is not so, they create conflict.

Thus the best self-defense is to enjoy their good qualities, but be realistic with your expectations when it comes to them. Meanwhile, do not allow yourself to be crushed nor made to feel inferior, understand that their narcissism is their need.

You can always get their cooperation whenever you appeal to their own interest and you show them how your request will benefit them.

3. The angry person

This vampire spends his time accusing, attacking, humiliating, criticizing, and creating conflict. They are addicted to anger, they hold back and punish people frequently. They can break you into a thousand pieces with their anger.

The best self-defense strategy is to protect your self-esteem so that your anger does not make you lose your calm. Take your time, make a break and breathe deeply. Try to stay balanced against their attacks and do not respond until you are calm.

In this way, you may be able to disarm this person, making him aware of the importance of recognizing you and considering your opinion on the matter. These people suffer much from their attacks. Handling their requests in a calm manner will help us to empathize with them.

4. The martyr

The martyrs are the kings and queens of drama and they know how to make you feel bad about something. Therefore, they are constantly pushing the buttons of insecurity and rubbing salt in your wounds.

The best self-defense is to dismiss the idea that we must be perfect and responsible at all times, everybody makes mistakes. However, when you feel guilty about something, it is best to go to another place, think about what is hurting us and cry if necessary.

You can also respond to their attacks with a positive statement like this: “I understand your point of view, but when you say __ it hurts my feelings. I would appreciate it if you would stop saying it.”

5. The jealous and gossipy person

These are the nosy people, those who delight in talking about others behind their backs. So tend to drag down their reputation and spread ill-intentioned rumors. In consequence, they make everyone around them feel humiliated and belittled.

The best self-defense is to not worry about what this person says about you and not take their gossip personally. And so, the right attitude is to step up and ignore them.

On the other hand, if we are in a group and they start talking about someone, it is best to change the subject and never share any gossip.

However, it is appropriate to make it clear that you know what they are doing and that you do not like it. We can turn to them and say something like “Your comments are hurtful. How would you feel if I said that about you? Please stop talking about me.”

Main source: “Emotional Vampires” by Albert J. Bernstein