Being a Single Mother: What Awaits You
It’s not easy being a single mother. However, there have been single mothers since time immemorial. These amazing women raise and educate their children on their own or with little help. There are millions of single mothers who have raised happy loving children who go on to become happy and loving adults.
Being a Single Mother
Motherhood is a wonderful part of being a woman. However, at the same time, it can be complex. If you’re relying on the help of your partner it can be more bearable, but this isn’t always the case.
A toxic relationship is not the best example for children. There are many women who have decided to continue with their pregnancy despite having broken up with the baby’s father.
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There are also women who have been abandoned by irresponsible men.
Although being a single mother maybe wasn’t in their original plans and might make them quite scared, many women take on the challenge with love and bravery.
Another trend that’s becoming more popular is for women to resort to artificial insemination in order to become mothers on their own. They’ve been disappointed with their relationships or they haven’t found the right person and their biological clock is ticking.
No matter what the case, the decision to be a single mother comes with its challenges and rewards.
The challenges of being a single mother
If you’ve decided to raise children yourself, then you’re now a single mother. The absence of a father definitely shouldn’t be a stigma for your children. There will be problems, but they can all be solved. You are perfectly capable of raising healthy, loving, and happy children.
Sure, it’s harder than if you had a partner, but it’s not impossible. The basic recommendations for being a single mother are:
Organize your support network
More than likely, you’re not completely alone.
Have a think and work out who are the people who can support you through your pregnancy, labor, and child care. Your parents, siblings, cousins, or friends are your support network.
If your partner has ignored their responsibilities, try to avoid feeling despondent. Sure, you may have a whole load of people who are thrilled that you’re going to be a mother around you and they’ll be ready to support you with whatever they can.
Some will be able to support you with complex tasks, others with more simple things, but each bit of support will help the whole role seem much easier.
Organize your work, time, and your budget
All the expenses of raising a child will pour out of your account, so there’s no room for improvisation. It’s quite possible that you’ll be juggling work with being a mother and attending to your children.
You’ll need to make sure that your job is compatible with being responsible for children. You’ll need to be able to take them to and pick them up from nursery or school, help them with their homework, take them to the doctor, etc.
So, your budget will need to take things into account like medical care, food, clothes, education, and of course, recreation and fun days out.
You need to organize your schedule without overwhelming yourself. You need to make sure that you have and make enough time for your responsibilities and also to have some fun. And furthermore, you’ll need a lot of patience for when things don’t plan out like you’d hoped.
What you didn’t do today, you can do tomorrow.
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Prepare yourself for the big question
Avoid feeling uncomfortable when they ask you about your child’s father. It doesn’t make sense for you to be affected by this, or worse still, that your child is.
If you made the decision to go down the artificial insemination route then you need to be able to talk about it naturally, in just the same way as you will need to when you tell your children where they came from.
If your partner abandoned you or has died, you need to be able to talk about it without feeling overwhelmed. It will take time, but you will reach a point where you’ll be able to talk about it without pain or anger.
Remember, there will be many times when you will have to talk about your children’s father, even to your children themselves.
Avoid badmouthing or blame
If you had an unfortunate relationship with the father of your child, avoid feeling frustrated, angry, or holding grudges.
Particularly avoid blaming your children for the situation. They have no responsibility for you and are not the reason your relationship didn’t work out.
Your children have a right to know where they came from and you have a responsibility to give them the most accurate and neutral information that you can. Avoid giving your child negative impressions about their father. Although it might be tough to remember, the father is responsible for 50% of your child’s life.
Let them know truthfully where they came from and make their own decisions. This is especially important if your child was conceived by artificial insemination. Sooner or later, they’ll ask where their father is.
Learn to forgive
It’s easy to say, but certainly not easy to actually forgive an absent father.
It’s a process that takes time. You might say that you forgive them at first, but it’ll be a long time afterward before you truly have.
If your partner has died or if he’s abandoned you, you don’t just have to forgive him, but also yourself. At any moment you might begin to feel responsible for what has happened.
You decided to have a child with that person and it was him who gave you this wonderful opportunity to be a mother. Forgive yourself.
In the same way that you have to learn to forgive, you need to help your child learn how to forgive both you and their father. Forgiveness is a great expression of love, one which will bring you closer to your child, which is the most important thing.
A supermom isn’t one who can do everything. A supermom is a mom who knows when to ask for extra help. If you need psychological help for yourself or your children, don’t hesitate to look for it.
Although there are many reasons why people might try to hide their dark feelings, it does no good for you or your children. Family therapy could help you all to understand and solve your emotional challenges.
If you don’t have the budget to pay for a service like this, look around for local support groups, groups on social media, or family counselors who can suggest social centers.
A final note
Although you’ll never be able to replace a father, give the best of yourself as a mother. To raise a child being a single mother you need to give double the love, patience, understanding, and commitment.
It’s difficult, but you can do it, and your children will thank you for it.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Díaz, P. I. U. (2007). Familias monoparentales con jefatura femenina, una de las expresiones de las familias contemporáneas. Revista Tendencias & Retos, (12), 81-90. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=4929305
- Ferrer, F. A. G. (2013). El entorno familiar de una madre soltera: un Relato de Vida. Interacción y perspectiva: Revista de Trabajo Social, 3(2), 209-235. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=5154915