The Painful Realization That You're Not Indispensable

In this life, we are not indispensable to others, but we are to ourselves. You need to learn to value yourself more and to be happy without others needing you.
The Painful Realization That You're Not Indispensable

Last update: 27 May, 2022

One of the most painful truths for people is to discover that they are not indispensable. Even though we don’t want to admit it, we all like to feel like a hero. We love knowing that we’re important and invaluable for someone, believing that without us the other person couldn’t live.

In spite of all of this, reality shows us that time and time again we are not indispensable.  It’s normal to feel unique, because we are, and we’re special.  However, there are a lot of people in this world, and even though it’s painful, we are not indispensable to anyone else’s life.

We Are Not Indispensable

hand with light play

You might not be aware of just how necessary you could be until you have a partner. Within families, each person takes his/her own path, and even our best friends could leave or fail us.

But, what happens in our more personal relationships?  What happens when we become intimate with someone?

In romantic relationships, there is still an element that exists today that causes great pain: possession. We think that having a partner is to possess someone, that he/she should always be with us, that we’ll spend the rest of our days with that person.

We don’t know whether this is caused by love or it’s the result of the blindness caused by being in love, making us forget that no one belongs to anyone. And you don’t belong to anyone else. Everyone is free. The problem is how we’ve learned to see relationships.

Think, for example, about a time when someone has filled your life and you thought you were indispensable to that person. When things ended, your whole world came crashing down.

Did the world end? No. It kept on turning, and you forgot about all of that once you found someone else. And that’s the moment when you realized that the other person was not indispensable, and you weren’t either!

You Need to Know When It’s Time to Leave

woman leaving

Thinking that you’re indispensable sometimes stops you from letting go of something, when it’s actually time to let it go.

Imagine a mother and a father that think they’re indispensable to their child. They’re unaware of when it’s time to let him/her go so their child can fly, and rather than doing good for him/her, they end up harming their child.

The same happens with countless other relationships in our lives. Sometimes your own need to be indispensable to someone makes you selfish, and it keeps you from seeing that it’s actually time to leave. It’s time to let that person go.

Romantic relationships create the worst situations, oftentimes causing a fairly toxic situation.  You need to get out of it. No one is indispensable, and you yourself are not an exception to that rule.

You think there’s always going to be someone that needs you. You can give a supportive hand to someone who really needs it. Yet you need to understand that, during the course of your life, there are three things that will always keep happening:

  • People will come into your life.
  • You will enter other people’s lives.
  • They will, and you will, leave at some point.


You Are Indispensable to Yourself

I'm not indispensable to others but truly indispensable to me.

Do you know whom you’re truly indispensable to? Who will always need you? The answer is you. Only you are indispensable to you. You are the only person who will never leave you.

You will always be there, and you will always be your own best friend. That’s why you should always

Once you understand that you are not indispensable to others, you won’t feel bad about it! You have yourself and you need to make yourself feel fulfilled and happy.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel more important when other people need and love you. But it seems like you don’t appreciate the fact that you need yourself. Remember that the first person you should love is yourself.  The first person you should trust is yourself!

wet feet

How many times have you wanted to be indispensable? How did you feel when you realized you weren’t?

I hope this has helped open your eyes so that you are at least aware that you need to love yourself and trust in yourself. Cultivate your own love first, don’t make your own happiness depend on being indispensable to others.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

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  • Kiviruusu, O., Berg, N., Huurre, T., Aro, H., Marttunen, M., & Haukkala, A. (2016). Interpersonal Conflicts and Development of Self-Esteem from Adolescence to Mid-Adulthood. A 26-Year Follow-Up. PloS One11(10), e0164942.
  • Showers, C. J., Ditzfeld, C. P., & Zeigler-Hill, V. (2015). Self-Concept Structure and the Quality of Self-Knowledge. Journal of Personality83(5), 535–551.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.