Sometimes we make innocent mistakes. We don’t see the hidden agendas or intentions, masked selfishness and falseness wrapped up in the kind deeds of others who are trying to take advantage of us.
Wrongdoing, or rather betrayal, is common in everyday relationships.
There are those that preach, “think the worst and you’ll be right.” But good people or those who simply prefer to see the best in everything rarely share this point of view.
A noble heart always looks for the good in others, turns the other cheek, gives second chances and practices trust.
Let’s reflect on that together.
Hidden malice and disguised selfishness
Recently, psychologist and researcher, Howard Gardner, surprised the media with a comment that went around the world.
According to the Harvard professor and expert on human intelligence, bad people never become good professionals. They may achieve success, but never excellence.
For Gardner, good people are those that look for recognition, but are motivated in their efforts by the common good and benefit of all. It is through this vision and feeling that a person becomes a good professional at work.
Also read: The Dangers of Repressed Emotions
The same thing happens in private and social settings. This personal excellence can only be achieved by looking out for the welfare of others and respect through reciprocity.
Those who don’t practice this emotional openness and only seek to fulfill their own selfish interests don’t create relationships. They don’t build bridges or reinforce bonds.
An added problem is that people with good and noble intentions at heart often don’t perceive the wrong intentions of others.
According to several scientific studies conducted by Robert Feldman from the University of Massachusetts, 60% of people tell around 3 lies per day on average.
- This includes omissions, exaggeration, and serious lies to pursue selfish interests. From this, we can conclude that there are little fibs and huge lies, the latter being the most destructive.
- There are some people who will not hesitate to practice deceptive behavior in order to carry out their hidden agendas.
- Experts in human behavior tell us that we all, in some way, look to benefit everyone around us. We do this most commonly by expressing our respect, recognition, love, affection, friendship… all things that should be offered freely and voluntarily.
People that hide malice and selfishness in their hearts manipulate others to achieve their goals.
There’s a clear dissonance between their true feelings and the actions they show, something that good people generally don’t pick up on.
A noble heart doesn’t anticipate selfish interests
The reason that many people with a good heart, characterized by practicing trust, respect and altruism, don’t often anticipate the selfish interests of others may be due to the following:
- Malice, or selfishness, often manifests in hidden behaviors that are difficult to see or intuit.
- Good people are characterized by their empathy. Empathy is, above all, being aware of the emotions of others, emotions like sadness, happiness, needs, worry…
- The human brain, in general, “doesn’t empathize with malice or selfishness.” So it goes unperceived.
- Another fact to keep in mind is that when someone is looking to use you, they will make use of the subtle arts of deception and manipulation. They will usually try to arouse feelings of tenderness, friendship and a lot of positive emotions to get us into their network.
We recommend reading: Emotional Manipulation: Recognizing and Avoiding It
It is, without a doubt, a really complicated process.
- The heart of a good person is often disappointed. Almost no one has bad intentions on their radar.
- That usually makes the disappointment even greater: we’re disappointed further by the pain they’ve caused, on top of being angry at ourselves for being too naive.
- Before we make martyrs of ourselves with this type of destructive thinking, we need to learn to take what has happened as a learning experience.
Also read: Good People Bring Happiness into Your Life
Disappointments should open our eyes, but we should never allow them to close our hearts. If we did, we’d cease to be ourselves and this is something that should never happen.
Never allow the behavior of others to force you to be someone that you are not.