It makes no sense to be afraid to lose people who don’t seem to truly see you even when they’re looking straight at you. Don’t be afraid of losing someone who doesn’t listen to you, even if they hear you. You should never be afraid of saying goodbye to someone who doesn’t feel lucky to have you.
You were born to feel fulfilled, complete, dignified and brave. Anyone who diminishes that isn’t worth the time you spend worrying about them.
Everyone, at some point, has felt devalued by another person at some point. We may have experienced it in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even – and potentially most harmfully – within our families.
The miserable feeling of not being valued or appreciated by those we are supposedly closest to and have the most meaningful bonds with can be emotionally devastating.
We all, as emotional creatures, need to feel valued and nourished in terms of attention and affection.
However, sometimes others can make us feel alone and ignored. Thus, they can cause us to lose our natural brightness. Sometimes, even parents can have this effect on this children, which can be especially painful.
It may not be a feeling as strong as rejection – but a perception that an emotional bond is empty. We may feel that what we’re putting into a relationship isn’t being given back. This can be extremely damaging to our self-esteem.
What’s more, knowing how to react to these situations is never easy. That’s for a very simple reason: the person who is experiencing these feelings it is very frequently reluctant to admit what they are going through. Understandably, the person on the other side of the equation is also unlikely to address the situation head-on.
Today, we want to delve deeply into this destructive dynamic, which is sadly so common in all types of human relationships.
When They’re By our Side, but We Feel Alone
Human beings have a deep need to establish links with our peers. Family, friends, partners and others constitute an essential pillar of our emotional well-being. We all need to feel that we have a connection with someone.
This companionship is an important part of how we learn about life and how we grow as people. It may be that we take our first steps through the magic of friendships, which can be so enriching. Sooner or later, we might consolidate a relationship with a partner and form a family of our own.
We’re not and cannot be islands of solitude. We are social beings that need affection, and that in turn have a huge amount of love to give.
Now, of course, not everyone shows affection in the same way. In addition, there are some people who simply have not learned how to care for others. They don’t understand how important it is that a relationship has a reciprocal energy in which affection is given and returned in more or less equal measure.
In such a case, we may find ourselves experiencing some of the following feelings:
- Our words and opinions are not valued.
- The other person – be they a partner, friend, mother, sister, and so on – does not take a real interest in what happens to us, how we are, what we think or what we feel.
When this happens, and the very people who are right by our side don’t seem to really see us, it can make us feel totally defenseless.
It’s important to know how to face a phase like this, which all of us will likely go through at some point in our lives.
Sometimes, the Solitude You Choose Is the Best Option
When facing a situation like this, it’s important first to understand the difference between solitude that we choose for ourselves as a form of self-love and solitude that is projected onto us.
The first involves a decision to follow your own path to embark on new projects on your own.
- Without a doubt, it’s an act of courage that requires us to take risks and step out into the unknown. However, since it’s a decision made by us and for us, it’s a strong and positive one that leaves us with a sense of our own power and control.
- However, when other people who are progressing with us only offer us disrespect and clear signals that we’re not important to them, it’s sometimes necessary to make some drastic decisions.
The loneliness that others can project onto us with their negative attitude – or what we might call their “emotional poverty” – is, without a doubt, the most destructive thing that can exist in a relationship.
Reacting quickly to a situation like that can prevent our self-esteem from being negatively affected.
Remember that self-satisfied solitude will always be better than the company of someone who does not value you.
You Have the Love You Allow Yourself to ‘Deserve’
At some time or other, we will all have observed this phenomenon among the people close to us: many people only allow themselves to have what they think they deserve.
Look at these common phrases, which may well be familiar to you:
- “Yes, he has his bad habits and his quirks, but we have an emotional connection.”
- “We all have our bad days, but the devil you know is better than the one you don’t.”
- “I’m just carrying on with this person because the truth is that I don’t know how to be alone.”
Little by little, and without truly realizing it, these people resign themselves to this kind of damaging relationship because they don’t allow themselves to aspire to more. They think that this is what life has brought them, and they have to accept it.
This is a huge mistake. Nobody deserves contempt, and nobody deserves to feel alone despite having a person right by their side. We’re worthy of the fullest, most vivid and authentic happiness – and this can be achieved with a partner or without one.
Let’s first learn to be the person that we ourselves deserve.
Don’t Be Afraid To Lose People Who Don’t Value You
Once we’ve understood how to truly value ourselves, it’s that easy. Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate to let go. Don’t hesitate to say goodbye to someone who doesn’t make you feel great, who doesn’t love you as you deserve to be loved, who doesn’t see you as a gift who makes life more beautiful.
Don’t settle for any less than you deserve – which is a lot. Take care of your precious self-esteem and your emotional and psychological well-being, and leave behind anyone who violates your dignity.
After all, life’s too short to not have what we really deserve: calm, well-being, and a sense of personal satisfaction.