What is BDSM and How Is It Practiced?

BDSM is a sexual practice that can fuel the passion in the couple and bring several benefits. We banish some myths and tell you what it is really about.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Last update: 14 March, 2023

In recent years, several novels and movies have emerged that have brought to the forefront a previously little known and stigmatized sexual practice: BDSM. You probably already have an idea of what it is, and you may even have already practiced it without being aware of it.

Have you ever used handcuffs or blindfolds in your sexual encounters? Have you played role-playing games based on the hierarchy of power as teacher/student or boss/employee? Then you’ve already entered the world of BDSM.

It’s a fun way to fuel passion in the bedroom, since the options are so diverse. In this article, we’re going to tell you more about it and give you some tips for how to practice it.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, domination/submission and sadism/masochism. Simply defined, it is a set of sexual practices based on a dynamic of domination and submission. Thus, each member of the couple adopts one of these roles, although it’s possible to exchange them.

The fundamental aspect is that it’s a totally consensual and safe encounter. Both parties have to agree on the boundaries and, in this way, the well-being of those involved is guaranteed at all times.

The term BDSM was coined in 1969 as a result of the work of anthropologist Paul Gebhard; however, these practices were already present in very ancient civilizations and in very diverse cultures, so it’s not something new.

From that moment on, and under this acronym, a series of acts are included that can vary in intensity and that don’t always have to be presented at the same time. Therefore, each person and each couple can make a different interpretation and use of the term.

To better understand what it is, we will first explain the meaning of each of the words from which this acronym is formed.

Bondage

Generally, the term bondage is used to refer to the binding with ropes, ties or other elements. However, in the past, it used to refer to the bonds of subordination established between masters and slaves, between feudal lords and vassals.

In this sense, besides naming the immobilization for erotic purposes, it also implies a relationship in which power is asymmetrical.

Discipline

Discipline includes the rules, habits, and protocols of behavior to be followed by people in the subordinate position. Therefore, it refers to training with rules and punishments through which the dominant individual exercises power over his or her counterpart.

Domination

This refers to the role taken by one of the partners to exercise control over the other. Thus, this person is the one who orders and controls the other, showing dominance over the submissive partner.

Submission

This is the complementary role to domination. In this case, the individual adopts a position of subjugation that places him/her under the will of the dominant. The submissive person obeys and allows the partner’s actions, always in a voluntary and consensual manner.

Sadism

This refers to erotic practices in which one person obtains pleasure by inflicting pain or humiliation on the other. Again, any practice that falls into this category must be safe and consensual, as this term has nothing to do with criminal sadism.

Masochism

Complementary to sadism, in masochism, the individual obtains pleasure by experiencing physical or psychological pain caused by their sexual partner. However, the partner always has the power to establish boundaries that must be respected at all times.

What are the benefits of BDSM?

Due to lack of knowledge, BDSM has been stigmatized and associated with concepts such as abuse or perversion; however, it can be healthy practice that can provide several benefits. Below, we’ll explain them.

• It favors communication between partners. Each act must be voluntary and agreed upon; therefore, partners must dialogue in an assertive manner to express their preferences and boundaries, and reach agreements.
• It increases self-knowledge and knowledge of the other. The greater the communication, the greater the depth in regard to the tastes and desires of oneself and the other, what excites each one and what practices he/she refuses. For the same reason, the mutual knowledge can increase. Moreover, since the dominant person has to ensure the well-being of the other and respect his or her wishes at all times, this favors the establishment of trust between the two.
• It awakens the imagination. As an unconventional sexual practice, BDSM opens the way to experimentation, fantasy, and innovation. Practices, roles, and many different elements can be varied to make each encounter a unique experience.
• It can help fuel passion in the couple. Although not everyone is into this type of dynamic, for some couples, it can be a refreshing and stimulating element that allows them to escape from routine and monotony.

Are there any risks?

We can’t lose sight of the fact that BDSM can entail risks to physical and psychological health when improperly done. Skin lesions, bruises, muscle damage or even asphyxia are some of the main dangers; in addition, it can generate emotional sequels if there is no real consensus and absolute respect.

To prevent this from happening, it’s necessary to be informed and act cautiously, sensibly, and safely. You also have to dialogue, ask, and clarify what your boundaries are with your sexual partner.

How to practice BDSM

As you may have guessed, there’s no single way to practice BDSM, as it includes a set of very diverse practices, although with a common root. For example, it includes physical domination, role playing, pet play, needle play (inflicting pain with needles), and even erotic asphyxiation.

Some couples limit themselves to using restraints or inflicting pain in very slight degrees to increase arousal. Others, on the other hand, establish a real dominance/submission dynamic by playing their respective roles in and out of the bedroom.

There are those who resort to physical pain and those who simply focus on the psychological aspect of humiliation. And, likewise, some only practice it now and then. In any case, it’s up to the couple to decide how far to take it.

In short, BDSM can be quite pleasurable and stimulating for both partners. If you’re curious and want to start introducing some of its elements, don’t forget that responsibility and respect are fundamental at all times. Beyond this, you may discover a whole new world of sensations.