When we’re faced with true love we know that nothing that happened in the past can affect the present. But if this is not the case, it’s important to stop, because it will be damaging to the relationship.
Many couples always look to the past. This may be to a time when they were not together, or perhaps even when they were.
However, this can result actions that end up ruining the relationship. Today, we’ll discuss some of them and discover why this is not true love.
You are not your past; you are your present
If there’s one thing that should be remembered in any relationship, it’s that the mistakes stay in the past.
We’ve all made mistakes at some point, and we learn from those mistakes. Therefore, there’s no room for something that no longer exists in the present.
However, if the past is very much in sight in a relationship, one of the most damaging things can happen: using the past as a weapon against the other person.
How many times in an argument did it occur to us to say things like “Don’t you remember that you did this too” or “Have you forgotten that you hurt me before”?
We use what we know about the other person to defend ourselves or justify ourselves in an argument. However, this damages the relationship and it’s a dirty game to play.
Do we truly forgive and strive to build a relationship free from all resentment? What are we doing bringing up the past?
True love doesn’t criticise who you were
True love will never criticise or judge your past, because if they do, if they’re always reminding you, maybe they’re trying to manipulate and humiliate you.
There are many people who throw around lines like “It’s for your own good”, “You have to change”, “This way you won’t go anywhere”, which shows that they don’t fully accept their partner.
When there is true love, there’s also full acceptance. We don’t want to change the other person and much less remind them of what they did in the past.
Sometimes, being emotional dependent can prevent us from seeing all this, or if we’re dealing with an expert in manipulation.
Some people have a mask that works so well that falling in love can stop us seeing clearly.
To solve this, we need to answer some questions: Do I feel ashamed of the way I am? Do I want to be the way my partner wants me to be? Do I feel bad about what they say?
If the answer is yes, this isn’t true love; it’s something else.
True love doesn’t hurt
The only way to work out if you’re facing true love or not is to see if it hurts.
By this we mean: Does it fill you with worries, stress you out, make you unhappy, or make you tense?
True love requires a certain amount of effort to cultivate, water and maintain it. However, this effort shouldn’t become painful torture.
The moment this happens it’s important to assess the situation. Maybe they are psychologically abusing you and you don’t realise it. Maybe your partner is manipulating you.
Sometimes, it’s difficult to accept that the person we love the most does not accept us, judges our past, criticises us for it, and tries to change us.
Open your eyes. Don’t ignore the feeling of discomfort you have and look at the situation objectively to help yourself.
True love fills us with joy and happiness, not pain and discomfort.