The Most Common Reasons Why Couples Fight
For couples, communication is essential to prevent arguments. Many of these arguments might arise from misunderstandings and their solution lies in the effort of each person in the relationship.
Couples often fight because of a lack of communication. At other times, couples might fight because, rather than solving their problems, they ignore them.
In any case, stopping and talking as a couple to find a solution to the situation that started the conflict is crucial. We wouldn’t want a fresh argument to spring up again for the same reason.
A big reason: jealousy
A reason behind why couples fight is jealousy. Jealousy might result from a new friend, adding someone on social media, friendly relationships with an ex, staring at an attractive person on the street…
Most cases of jealousy are unjustified. There’s no reason to be jealous. However, our culture has taught us that it’s normal to be jealous in a relationship.
Why is that?
Because we become jealous of the things that we think we own; but that’s actually not the case.
We feel jealous when we think that we’re going to lose something that “belongs” to us. Thus, anyone can become competition.
This also speaks loads about our self-esteem and trust, both in ourselves and in our partner. However, it’s a learned behavior.
Jealousy seems to be implied in a romantic relationship.
The healthiest way to go about this problem is by checking to see if you have an self-esteem issue. In addition, you should see if your jealousy is justified or if it’s just a product of learned behavior that you’ve seen before in other couples (parents, grandparents, siblings, relatives…).
Once you’ve analyzed our situation, you should talk about it with our partner for some assurance. Your partner can help you trust the way you should and by doing so, you’ll stop feeling pointlessly jealous.
Another reason behind couple fights is family. When we begin a relationship with someone, we’re choosing that person, not their family.
In many cases, the differences that arise from our partner’s family result from our diverse beliefs.
To give a classic case as an example, you might clash with our mother-in-law.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Actually, generalizing these kind of relationships can make us quick to adopt a defensive attitude, hindering a good relationship with our partner’s mother.
However, there are certain family differences that need to be resolved by talking as a couple. For example, if one of your partner’s parents visits your house and starts reorganizing everything or telling you which color rug to buy (etc), this could cause an issue.
Others examples include when parents are too attached to their children and call them for everything. Or, when they show up without any kind of notice, or even when they don’t accept their children’s relationship and become hostile and passively aggressive.
Instead of taking offense, you have to communicate that it bothers you with your partner. You should see if the situation also bothers your partner or not. In doing so, you’ll be able to best solve the conflict.
Problems with personal space
Sometimes, relationships don’t just end up dealing with jealously issues, but also with those related to personal space.
One of the reasons why couples argue is for personal space.
Over the years, some couples do everything together. While it’s normal to want to be with your partner when falling in love, every person has his or her own friends, interests…
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing your individuality or becoming one person.
If you like talking walks alone, you don’t have to change that just because you’re in a relationship. However, maybe you’ve heard the typical “You don’t want to do things with me,” “You don’t want to include me in your activities.”
However, in reality, people in a relationship need their own space. The problem is that when each person does his or her own thing, jealousy might spring up and could harm the relationship.
- Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to stop doing what you like to do, or need to share friends or the same interests.
- You’re two different people that are in a relationship, not two people who become the same person.
Before you go, don’t miss out on: 5 Risks of Emotional Dependence
Sometimes, you may feel the need for personal space from the very beginning of our relationship. In other cases, you start feeling it after some time passes. The bottom line is that you need to know how to respect the other person’s personal space because we all need it, even if you think otherwise sometimes.
Which of these reasons resonates with you most? Would you add another reason to the list? Everything that we talked about can find a solution if, and only if, both partners are willing and open to find a way to solve the root of their arguments.