Dealing with Loss and Overcoming It

Dealing with loss becomes easier when you change your perspective and realize what you're actually losing after a breakup. In other words, you must know you lost someone who didn't know your worth. Realize that you deserve love and that you'll undoubtedly find it.

Written and verified by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 27 May, 2022

Dealing with loss is human and everyone must learn how to overcome it. This is because we all lose someone who means a lot to us at some point throughout our lives, be it a lover, a friend, a family member…

Today, we’re talking about what a painful emotional, not physical loss implies. A breakup with someone we love somehow ends up uprooting our lives. To put it another way, it’s a relationship that leaves us deeply wounded and full of questions.

A breakup is almost always a difficult experience. However, the hardest part about the end of a relationship, whatever kind it may be, is that it’s never easy to face it positively in a way that helps us in our personal growth.

So, here are some simple, effective strategies for managing your emotions after a breakup.

Dealing with loss and overcoming it

People are more fragile than we think. In our day-to-day life, we manage to put on a show of having it all together. This helps us think that we can do it all and that nothing can hurt us.

In certain times of our life, we actually believe that because we enjoy strong bonds with people we love. Close friendships, good family relationships, and a happy romantic relationship give us wings, strength, and optimism.

But, occasionally, all it takes is one loose link in this perfect chain for the whole thing to fall apart. Suddenly, we get so overwhelmed by negative emotions that we shut down, not knowing what to do, what to think, or how to respond.

Our existential foundation seems to have crumbled under our feet, and we can’t stop thinking about the loss or about the person who has left us behind… And we don’t know why.

Don’t beg for love

First of all, we must understand that all negative emotions, such as rage, despair, sadness, or fear, have a purpose in our brain. They make us see reality for what it is in order to respond to the “danger”:

• Negative feelings are instinctive and put us on the lookout for something: a reaction has to happen.
• If it’s clear that they don’t love us anymore, nothing will be more destructive than continuing to beg for another chance.
• A breakup hurts. It’s necessary to feel the sadness, cry it out and spend some time with our own thoughts.
• Later, we’ll reach an acceptance of what happened and start moving forward.

Focusing on the past and what-if thoughts doesn’t do anything except make your despair chronically.

Someone lost you too

You didn’t lose anyone; they lost you. Focusing on things this way isn’t a sign of being self-centered but of emotional strength. Remember:

• If someone didn’t fit into your hopes and dreams, didn’t understand your worth, or didn’t match your love, affection, or kindness, then the one who has suffered a loss is that person, not you.
• You can’t blame yourself for this loss, and don’t shame yourself or beat yourself up; don’t think that you need to change in order to fit into that person’s plans.
• Never lose your identity or what makes you great. If someone doesn’t like it, it’s that person’s problem; if someone doesn’t understand, that’s no reason to torture yourself.

Feed your self-love, take care of your self-esteem, and don’t destroy the beautiful qualities that you worked so hard for just because someone couldn’t see them or because you didn’t fit the shape of that person’s heart.

Dealing with loss is easier when you realize you still have yourself

It’s not worth losing yourself. It’s not healthy to stop loving yourself because someone has chosen to distance himself/herself when you were hoping for closeness.

• If you choose to stop taking care of yourself or if you choose to distance yourself from your own heart, you’ll be a sad prisoner and a prisoner of the person that told you no closed the door on you and planted seeds of sadness in your mind.
• Close this chapter and end the cycle of suffering, and get out there and get to know yourself again.
• Don’t look for a replacement love to make you feel better and make you forget.

The best thing to do in these cases is to spend some time to heal and to remember once again what makes you happy. Learn what you dream of and what matters to you.

What you lost no longer exists. It’s in the past. What you have coming are new joys and new hopes. If you want it, it’s within your reach.