Judging Others Doesn't Define Them, It Defines You

If you don't want others to do the same to you, you shouldn't make judgments about people without giving them a chance. Prejudice can often hold us back from meeting wonderful people.

Reviewed and approved by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 27 May, 2022

Judging others can often, sadly, be a regular pastime in most of our lives. It’s something that we all do, albeit unconsciously. We make judgments about everything around us. We do this because we like to maintain a certain amount of control over the things around us. “This is good”, “That is bad”. “I can trust this person”. “I had better stay away from that one…”

It’s very common to fall into stereotypes and those heuristics we’ve built ahead of time. Before delving a little deeper into what we have in front of us to make the effort to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. It is clear that not everyone acts in this way.

Some people avoid making judgments because they don’t want to be judged by others. This is what we should always put into practice in order to build a more harmonious and tolerant society. We invite you to reflect on this in the following article.

Judging others: Avoid this double-edged sword

Just for today, don’t judge. It would certainly be appropriate for all of us to try to practice this simple advice every day. This way, our relationships would be more respectful and we’d create less conflict.

However, the essential problem is that the social brain is often driven by the need to obtain information about things and people very quickly. It classifies all information and stimuli into categories, and these, in turn, relate to our personality and previous experiences.

• Let’s look at an example. When you were at school, there was a teacher who treated you badly and made your school years “hell”. To this day you still remember her expression, her face, and her voice, so that when you meet another woman who resembles her, you project a high level of rejection onto her.
• Many of our previous experiences and even aspects of our personality will make us label all those around us according to our own schemes, which don’t always conform to reality.
• Therefore, the act of “not judging” requires, above all, an effort to remain calm. It forces us to control that “automatic button”. The one that the brain uses when it categorizes everything it sees into heuristics.

Be intelligent: If you judge others, you’re also judging yourself

Maybe you avoid associating with your neighbors because they’re of another race or belong to another culture. In that case, each judgment you make about them defines you. You’ll be defined as a close-minded racist. The man who judges a woman by her bra size or the length of her skirt is also judging himself and revealing his toxic masculinity.

• Each time we make a judgment about somebody, we should try to explore it further. We should ask ourselves: Why am I thinking this? Why do I think that this guy will try to mug me just because he has a tattoo and his pants are torn?
• Be intelligent, remain calm, get yourself together, and try to look at things objectively until you are familiar with every detail and aspect and able to make a more accurate judgment. Never before.

Don’t base your judgments on appearances, base them on reality

We need to clarify that we all have the right to keep and defend the judgments we make. However, these judgments need to be based on reality, not on appearances or stereotypes.

• When you know someone really well, you’ll have the wisdom that only experience can offer to decide if you like them or not, or if they meet your expectations.
• Keep in mind that those who base their judgment on trivialities will be missing out on some amazing things in life.
• If you judge your coworker as unfriendly because they’re always by themselves, you may be missing out on the opportunity of meeting somebody truly exceptional.
• Judging a particular country or city as dirty, dangerous, or outdated might hold you back from the best experiences of your life, just by refusing to visit the place. It could be an amazing place if we could just allow ourselves to travel with an open mind, free of prejudices.

The best things, people, and events are often overlooked because our preconceived judgments have misled us. Only those with open minds and hearts can truly experience all the exciting things life has to offer.