Zero Contact: The Cure for Emotional Dependence
Even though it can cost you, and there can be repercussions, having zero contact with the person you are dependent on can help you to get over them and start putting yourself first.
Emotional dependence ties you to your partner out of fear of being alone and not being able to find someone else. Because of this, it’s recommended to put a zero contact plan in place for these circumstances.
Sometimes, this kind of dependence makes you look for partners that can hurt you. This can be through physical or psychological mistreatment, manipulation, lies, or cheating.
However, this shouldn’t be the case.
What we need to make clear is that every relationship that’s based on emotional dependence is toxic.
Emotional dependence, or “I can’t live without you”
The fear of being alone can make it so that you believe that you can’t live without the other person. However, the truth is this isn’t the case.
If the other person leaves and abandons you, there isn’t a possibility of getting back together with them. What do we do then? We immediately jump right into another relationship.
People who are afraid of being alone and who depend on others do this for a reason. They believe that this is the only way they can be happy. Their self-esteem is so low that their life and personality depend on the person they’re tied to.
Because of this, when they go through a breakup, they feel empty. They haven’t taken care of themselves. They don’t know if they like themselves or what their dreams are. They’re lost.
The reason they’re so attached to someone isn’t that they think that it’s going to be a lifelong relationship. It isn’t even because they think that they can’t live without this person. It’s because they can’t live without someone else!
Because of this, it’s normal for them to keep finding one relationship after another. They all fail, but they don’t know why. The reason is because they choose their partner based on a need. It’s not because they really feel love.
Unhappiness and dissatisfaction, together with the repetition of the same kind of relationship, are what make these kinds of people look for professional help.
The recommendation? Zero contact.
The importance of zero contact for someone with emotional dependence
A psychologist might recommend putting a zero contact rule with the person you depend on in place. When they do this it will seem impossible.
Think about blocking them on WhatsApp, not waiting for their calls, or saying “no” when they contact you to meet may seem impossible.
Sometimes, they feel guilty and then fall in their own trap. Afterward, they feel bad. This kind of dependent relationship keeps you from being happy and you know it.
In fact, a person who is dependent has moments of clarity. This is when they say “I need to leave”, “it would be better to be alone than with this person”, or “they don’t make me feel good”.
However, this force can overtake you at certain moments. Plus, it’s telling you clearly that the road is headed towards circumstances that will put you on the wrong path.
Patience, effort, and time
Getting out of an emotionally dependent relationship and putting a zero contact rule in place isn’t something that happens overnight.
Just like with any other addiction, you need to take time and be patient. There will be relapses. You’ll ignore the zero contact rule. However, you’ll have taken a step forward.
Everyone who is emotionally dependent trips over the same stumbling block again and again. They do this until they have moments of clarity that are increasingly present.
When the moment arrives, after fighting their own demons, they start to open their eyes to everything. Then, they can make a decision that, without a doubt, benefits them.
You can get out of emotional dependence. You can climb above these thoughts that tell you that you’re a failure without a partner, or the thoughts that say that you need someone to be happy.
Once you’ve stepped outside the tendency to get into addictive relationships, you can start to love yourself, take care of yourself, and respect yourself. This way, you can build healthy relationships in which you don’t depend on or need anyone else.