Why Do Some Men Date Older Women?
We all know cases of famous couples in which the woman is significantly older than the man. Madonna and Ahlamalik Williams, Shakira and Piqué, and Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron are some of the most famous examples. You may even have noticed that the phenomenon of men dating older women is becoming more and more common in your immediate environment. But why do some men date older women?
Despite the growing number of couples with these characteristics, we still tend to wonder what they could have seen in each other when there’s such an age difference between them. Socially, relationships in which the man is older tend to be more accepted because of the perceived evolutionary advantage.
However, despite what we may believe, bonds between younger men and older women are often successful and satisfying for both partners. In fact, there are several important reasons that can lead men to make this choice. We’ll tell you about them here!
Why do some men date older women?
The particular reasons may vary from case to case. However, the following are probably the most common reasons why so many younger men choose and enjoy a relationship with an older woman.
One of the most attractive aspects of older women is their emotional intelligence. Compared to younger women, they tend to better handle and manage their emotions. They’re less likely to be overwhelmed by negative feelings and generally know how to deal more calmly with setbacks and disagreements.
Thus, they tend not to act capriciously or childishly, don’t resort to emotional blackmail, and overall often seek to avoid drama. They’re better able to understand and accept and manage what they feel, as well as to express it and communicate calmly and clearly. This is always positive in a relationship.
Men date older women because of the independence
Older women are much more independent and confident. Their experiences over the years have allowed them to acquire and develop resources, challenge themselves and prove how capable and valuable they are. Thus, they don’t need or look for anyone to fill their emptiness and don’t place their happiness in the hands of others.
In other words: they don’t need a partner; they just choose to have one. This security, determination and autonomy can be very attractive. On the contrary, a younger woman may not yet have reached that emotional independence and may be more insecure, making her more demanding and needy in a relationship.
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Men date older women because of the lower pressure and expectations
Another important reason why some men date older women is that they put less pressure on the relationship. They’ve already traveled their own path, have had several relationships and experiences, and have forged a path for themselves.
In most cases, they have an established working career, may have already gone through commitment, marriage and motherhood, and are no longer at that point. Now, after having lived and experienced these things, they only seek to enjoy and share good experiences. They’re able to go with the flow and don’t hold expectations that increase the pressure on a relationship.
Old women have also often learned not to idealize their romantic partners. They’re able to see each other with their virtues and flaws and no longer seek to change them or expect unrealistic perfection. On the contrary, they appreciate and enjoy a real person and a real relationship.
It’s a greater sexual experience
We may think that younger women have an advantage because of their physical appearance and more attractive image. However, older women have a great point in their favor: experience.
The maturity that comes with age allows women to feel much more comfortable and confident in their bodies. They’re often able to discard useless complexes and, above all, to know what they want and how to ask for it.
There are fewer taboos and insecurities and greater sexual assertiveness. These women are more aware and free in their desires and preferences, and are not afraid to communicate them to their partner. Thus, sexual encounters often become more spontaneous and satisfying for both partners.
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They symbolize a successful conquest
Finally, men who date older women may find an added incentive, and that’s that these types of relationships help boost their self-esteem. In a way, dating this type of confident, determined and independent women, who know what they want, can feel like a successful conquest.
Men who date older women experience successful and rewarding relationships
In short, this type of relationship (which is often so socially criticized), is just as valid as any other and has great chance of being a success. In fact, the biggest impediment that these couples usually find is the judgment of the other people in their environment.
Contrary to what one may think, it’s the men themselves who seek older women because of the interest they arouse in them. And, although it’s not possible to generalize since each person is different, it’s probably the above reasons that make older women such an attractive option.
In any case, it’s time for us to free ourselves from prejudices and stereotypes and allow others to be free.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Collisson, B., & De Leon, L. P. (2020). Perceived inequity predicts prejudice towards age-gap relationships. Current Psychology, 39(6), 2108-2115.
- Lehmiller, J. J., & Christopher, R. A. (2008). Commitment in age-gap heterosexual romantic relationships: A test of evolutionary and socio-cultural predictions. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32(1), 74-82.
- McWherter, P. R. (1993). A phenomenology of communication in age-gap marital relationships (Doctoral dissertation, Southern Illinois University at Carbondale).