The Meaning Behind Erotic Dreams

09 January, 2021
Erotic dreams don't necessarily have to be interpreted in a sexual way. Sometimes, they have to do with the type of connection you make with the other person. Find out more about it.

We’ve all had dreams of a sensual nature at some point in our lives. Therefore, it’s worth asking ourselves what the meaning is behind erotic dreams. Today, we invite you to discover the answer – or answers – to this question. Find out!

Sex dreams are more common than you’d think. It doesn’t matter if you’re in an open relationship or a monogamous one, or if you’re single. Unfortunately, everything related to sexuality tends to be full of myths that we need to debunk. For this reason, it’s worth investigating the true meaning behind erotic dreams.

Some sex dreams may even end in orgasm, but most people wake up with a start and wonder what happened. Does this dream mean that we really want to have sex with the person that we were dreaming about? The answer is no!

The true meaning of erotic dreams

There’s a way to know the meaning of erotic dreams, and Hilda Burke, writer of the book “The Phone Addition Workbook“, reveals it in her writing. The author exposes the most common dreams and their true interpretations. She says:

“You dream about work, vacation, or past experiences, but it’s not always pleasant to have sex-related dreams. Maybe it’s someone you’ve never had the fantasy of sleeping with.

You may be interested in: 6 erotic dreams and their meanings

So how can we understand this phenomenon? Burke comments that the meaning of erotic dreams can have to do with the way one makes a connection with another person. And it doesn’t have to be necessarily in the sexual sense. Below, she explains some of the most frequent erotic dreams:

Most frequent erotic dreams

These are the dreams that most people report having experienced while sleeping:

Sex with your boss

A man touching a woman's leg under the table.
Having an erotic dream about your boss doesn’t always indicate desire. Sometimes it can be a way of expressing your admiration for them.

This is one of the most common dreams and the psychotherapist, Burke, mentions that it’s not just about wanting to go to bed with your boss. In that sense, she says:

“Maybe in real life you really want to get a promotion and this dream may indicate what you’re willing to do to get where you want to go. Your boss may symbolize that you’re mentally prepared to live new things.

Dreaming of the boss at work may also express the qualities you see in that figure, and how much you admire them.

With a person from the past

If, at the end of the day, you feel exhausted, fall asleep, and dream that you’ve slept with someone from the past, who you’ve never been close to, then it may represent something more hidden. The author says:

“Think about what that person represents to you, maybe you’ll see in them some quality that is also part of you.”

If you notice that it’s clearly an old love that you still can’t get out of your heart, it might be a good idea to go to therapy. That way, you can resolve this situation and work on forgetting your ex once and for all.

Sex with a celebrity

These dreams are the ones that carry the most symbolism. That’s because we don’t know these people, nor do we have ideas of what their personality is like, except for what we see in the media.

Therefore, Burke states that:

“Many of us have an image, which may or may not be true, about celebrities, and we must think about what they convey to us or what we like most about those figures”.

Discover: Five Steps to Reprogram Your Subconscious

With someone other than your partner

A man kissing his partner seductively while lying in bed.
Erotic dreams about someone other than your partner don’t necessarily indicate infidelity. Therefore, it’s important that you clarify what meaning that person has in your life.

This is one of the dreams that worries people the most, because they think that, deep down, they may want to be unfaithful. However, the truth is that it has nothing to do with that, although it’s worth clarifying what is and isn’t infidelity.

The author emphasizes that there’s no need to feel upset. It’s only about sexual desire, but it’s not part of reality. “If it’s a person you’re not even attracted to, you must ask yourself what that person means to you.”

It’s good to think about what that person means to you, and what idea you associate with him or her. This will help you determine why you have this kind of dream. It’s not healthy to destroy your relationship for no reason at all.

With someone of the same sex

If you think, for example, that your orientation is heterosexual, but you dream that you’re sleeping with someone of the same sex, then you should ask yourself two questions. First, are you attracted to that person? And, secondly, what symbol or image do you associate that person with? Burke points out:

“If you dream that you’re sleeping with someone of the same sex, for example, your boss, ask yourself if you’re attracted to him or her, and if you’re not, then maybe you’ll see that he or she is successful, intelligent, independent, and you want to connect with those qualities.”

Sex with your best friend

This dream, besides being frequent, is usually one of the most unpleasant. The psychotherapist recommends asking yourself what this friend has and what qualities he or she possesses.

As the writer points out, sometimes you can be attracted to people who possess qualities that you admire or would like to have. Therefore, you shouldn’t interpret erotic dreams literally, since they’re always hiding something else.

  • Schredl, M., Desch, S., Röming, F., & Spachmann, A. (2009). Erotic dreams and their relationship to waking-life sexuality. Sexologies18(1), 38–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sexol.2008.05.001
  • Baumeister, R. F. (2004, May). Gender and erotic plasticity: Sociocultural influences on the sex drive. Sexual and Relationship Therapy. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681990410001691343
  • Green, A. I. (2008). The social organization of desire: The sexual fields approach. Sociological Theory26(1), 25–50. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9558.2008.00317.x