How to Overcome Depression Due to Infidelity

06 November, 2020
Overcoming depression due to infidelity isn't easy, but it is possible. We'll give you some guidelines to learn how to manage what you're going through and come out stronger.

It’s not easy to overcome depression due to infidelity. When facing a betrayal of this caliber, most people don’t know how to act, since their trust in their partner has shattered.

Cheating is the main cause of divorce and separation between couples and can lead to a lot of psychological and family structure problems.

Therefore, many people who have suffered from this type of situation turn to professionals to learn how to handle negative thoughts and feelings and move on. Let’s take a closer look.

Types of infidelities

A woman crying because her husband cheated on her.

In a broad sense, we can differentiate 3 types of infidelity. Let’s see some details on each of them.

1. Those who try to avoid intimacy

This type of infidelity usually affects both members of the couple because both people are unfaithful. These cases are usually characteristic of people with bonding difficulties or attachment problems.

The subjects create strong emotional barriers and seek pleasure in a hedonistic way while fleeing from intimacy and any kind of complicity. On many occasions, they relate and bond through the fights they have.

For this reason, when it comes to cheating, it usually doesn’t have a major impact on their state of mind. They’ve both made the same mistake and don’t worry much about hiding it either.

2. Conflict avoiders

This case is the opposite of the previous one. The traits that characterize this type of person include coming from a conventional family. They often grew up in a household with rigid norms where showing emotions such as anger and sadness was looked down on.

In this case, the couple doesn’t argue. In public, they’re a perfect couple and their behavior is correct all the time. However, behind closed doors and in private, things are different.

The infidelity of conflict avoiders usually appears between 5 and 10 years of marriage. However, it’s usually a short affair and ends before it becomes a conflict for the marriage.

However, in the case that the other partner finds out about the affair, it’s easy for it to affect them psychologically. Therefore, they’re likely to need help overcoming depression due to infidelity.

Read also: When Forgiving Infidelity Isn’t Possible

3. Looking to escape

This type of infidelity appears as a means of self-deceit regarding the need to get out of the current relationship. The person’s aware that the bond no longer exists and this produces anxiety. Therefore, they have a quick fling to try to fill that emotional void.

However, in the end, this behavior produces even more pain. The unfaithful person ends up feeling trapped in guilt and is unable to face reality and solve the problem.

Overcoming depression due to infidelity

Below are some recommendations for overcoming depression due to infidelity.

1. Distinguish pain from suffering

It’s completely normal to feel sad after having gone through a difficult situation such as infidelity. However, there’s a boundary between normal pain and that which you trigger yourself. Both feelings differ in that the pain doesn’t last as long as the suffering.

This is because the latter appears when you’re reluctant to accept the situation. In this sense, it’s often said that the suffering will last as long as you want it to.

2. Expressing the feelings

To accept any difficult situation, it’s important to let off steam. To do this, you need to avoid keeping the emotions that your partner’s unfaithfulness produces. Therefore, talking to people close to you about what you are feeling is a good idea.

Opening up and letting go of the feelings you’re experiencing is key to overcoming depression due to infidelity.

You may be interested: Is Infidelity Different for Men and Women?

3. Grieving

A woman saddened by infidelity.

All the difficult situations we go through in life imply a mourning process, according to research from a team at the Institute of Security and Social Services of the workers of the State of Mexico. During this process, we begin to assimilate the situation, experience it, and then overcome it.

Therefore, it’s normal to experience sadness. In fact, overcoming depression from infidelity requires taking time to experience all of the phases of grief. And this process involves a wide range of emotions.

4. Taking care of your personal appearance

Many times, when we’re sad, we neglect our appearance and personal care and fall into a vicious circle. However, you need to make an effort to continue looking after yourself and getting ready every day. This makes it easier to feel better about yourself.

It may seem silly, but in situations as traumatic as a breakup due to infidelity, there’s nothing better than fighting against low self-esteem.

Seek help if you need it

Overcoming infidelity takes time, as it involves a period of adaptation and a reformulation of your lifestyle. Therefore, if the periods of sadness are too long or you experience anxiety or prolonged apathy, then you should seek outside help.

Talking to a psychologist will help you to overcome these difficult times. The most important thing is to get to work on healing and not get caught up in the past.

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  • Romero, H., Romero, L., & Arellano, J. (2017). La infidelidad femenina como producto de la violencia intrafamiliar. Anales de La Facultad de Medicina. https://doi.org/10.15381/anales.v78i2.13198
  • VV.AA. (2008).El proceso del duelo. Un mecanismo humano para el manejo de las pérdidas emocionales. https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/473/47316103007.pdf