My Partner Doesn't Help Around the House

If your partner doesn't help around the house, it may be because of the way they was raised. Luckily, this behavior can be changed.

Written and verified by the philosopher Isbelia Esther Farías López.

Last update: 26 May, 2022

Lack of cooperation is a constant source of problems among couples. “My partner doesn’t help around the house” is a phrase that we often hear in daily conversations. Fatigue and frustration are the main characteristics of this situation.

Back in the day, this situation used to be justified by the belief that the man was responsible for the family’s income, while the women stayed at home to take care of it. However, times have changed. Women have assumed other important roles. However, that same mentality sadly often persists: she’s the one who should be in charge of the home.

Although there is a lot of talk these days about gender equality, the truth is that there are still bridges to cross. And, unfortunately, there are still men who believe that they should not lift a finger when it comes to household chores (for example) and that it’s she, their partner, who should take care of them.

Why Won’t My Partner Help Around the House?

• Your partner has grown up very dependent: A man whose mother took care of absolutely all the household chores doesn’t realize that he should cooperating in any way. He doesn’t understand this because his perspective on marriage is that his wife would do the same as his mother:
• You have ‘Superstar’ syndrome: Sometimes the man doesn’t take part in the housework because of the woman herself, who refuses to receive help from her partner. This may also be due to the previous reason, but the opposite, since it’s she who reproduces the servile and dependent behavior she saw in her own mother.
• They don’t know how to do it: This may just sound like an excuse, and most of the time, that’s probably all it is. However, the issue may be that your partner won’t help because s/he doesn’t know how to do it. When your partner wants to help out, they ends up causing more problems and actually making it worse.
• Machismo: Although society has advanced in terms of women’s roles, some men are still way behind the times. Some people still cling to the idea that washing a dish will take away his masculinity. Others think that they’re kind of like a king who should only return home to be pampered.

What Should You Do?

If you’re mentally or physically tired of your partner’s lack of collaboration, it’s time to take action. We’ll give you some tips to help fix the situation, once and for all.

1. Face it: Ask your partner directly why they won’t help you and why they won’t make an effort to help support the family. Remind your partner that this is a very important for maintaining order in the home.
2. Look for each other’s strengths: Everyone’s different and everyone’s good at something different. For example, some women aren’t very good in the kitchen and some men aren’t good at running a washing machine. You have to look for who’s the best at each task.
3. Chores list: Make a list of all of the household chores. You can even divide it up by days of the week. That way, even the most forgetful people will remember their responsibilities.

Teach Your Partner How to Help

Like we said, this issue is not always due to your partner’s lack of interest. Your partner’s upbringing and your own actions can make him or her dependent, and they may have absolutely no idea how to help out. Then, you can teach your partner.

Give your partner some basic tasks, like cleaning the windows, washing the dishes, getting rid of cobwebs from ceiling corners and taking the garbage out everyday. Make sure you don’t criticize their work. In addition, don’t watch the entire time to see if something’s going wrong. Instead, show your partner how to do the things they don’t know how to do.

Conclusion

If you want a change, you will have to take the first step. If their attitude still won’t change, give them an ultimatum: Your no one’s maid or slave. Don’t let them treat you like one and don’t let them trample on your dignity and self-respect.