My Partner Doesn't Help Around the House

22 March, 2019
If your partner doesn't help around the house, it may be because of the way she or he was raised. Luckily, this behavior can be changed.

Lack of cooperation is a constant source of problems among couples. “My partner doesn’t help around the house” is a phrase that we often hear in daily conversations. We don’t have to do in-depth studies to see the extreme fatigue and frustration that many – especially women – feel when this happens.

Back in the day, this situation used to be justified by the belief that the man was responsible for the family’s income, while the women stayed at home to take care of it. However, times have changed. Women have assumed other important roles. However, that same mentality sadly often persists: she’s the one who should be in charge of the home.

Countless women work and make their own money, they care for their children, and they do household chores. On the other hand, there are some men who still don’t even move a finger once they get home from work. Although gender equality is a huge topic these days, it’s clear that we still have a lot of progress to make. Women struggle daily to deal with this unfairness.

Let’s look at the situation, the causes, and some possible solutions.

Why Won’t My Partner Help Around the House?

This woman's partner doesn't help around the house.

The perception of gender is distorted by history. There has always been inequality between men and women, especially when it comes to their different expectations within the marriage.

Therefore, there are many reasons why you might say, “My partner doesn’t help me around the house.”

  • Your partner has grown up very dependent: A person whose mother did all of the household chores probably won’t realize that s/he’s supposed to be helping now. S/he doesn’t understand it because s/he grew up seeing a marriage where a woman did all the household work.
  • You have ‘Superstar’ syndrome: Sometimes, a man won’t help a woman and it’s actually her own fault. She won’t share the work with her partner, so s/he gets used to doing nothing. Then, s/he won’t even try.
  • They don’t know how to do it: This may just sound like an excuse, and most of the time, that’s probably all it is. However, the issue may be that your partner won’t help because s/he doesn’t know how to do it. When your partner wants to help out, s/he ends up causing more problems and actually making it worse.
  • Machismo: Although society has advanced in terms of women’s roles, some men are still way behind the times. Some people still cling to the idea that washing a dish will take away his masculinity. Others think that they’re kind of like a king who should only return home to be pampered.

Read this article: 6 Arguments Every Couple Has

What Should You Do?

If you’re mentally or physically tired of your partner’s lack of collaboration, it’s time to take action. We’ll give you some tips to help fix the situation, once and for all.

  1. Face it: Ask your partner directly why s/he won’t help you and why he won’t make an effort to help support the family. Remind your partner that this is a very important for maintaining order in the home.
  2. Look for each other’s strengths: Since you’re a couple and you’re two different people, you’ll have to sit down and figure out what works best for the both of you. For example, some people aren’t very good at cooking while some others aren’t good at organizing. You have to figure out whose best at doing different tasks.
  3. Chores list: Make a list of all of the household chores. You can even divide it up by days of the week. That way, even the most forgetful people will remember their responsibilities.

Discover: 6 Everyday Things You Should Clean More Often

Teach Your Partner How to Help

If your partner doesn't help around the house, talk to him.

Like we said, this issue is not always due to your partner’s lack of interest. Your partner’s upbringing and your own actions can make him or her dependent, and s/he may have absolutely no idea how to help out. Then, you can teach your partner.

Give your partner some basic tasks, like cleaning the windows, washing the dishes, getting rid of cobwebs from ceiling corners and taking the garbage out everyday.

Make sure you don’t criticize his or her work. In addition, don’t watch the entire time to see if anything is going wrong. Instead, show your partner how to do the things s/he doesn’t know how to do.


Does it seem like everything is your responsibility? Does the phrase, “My partner doesn’t help out around the house” sound very familiar to you?

If you want this to change, you’ll have to take the first step. Follow the recommendations that we’ve given you and improve your quality of life. Come to agreements that will benefit both of you, and make sure you both are happy with them.