How Do I Know if This is the Love of My Life?

05 April, 2021
Is this the love of my life? For a relationship to last, it needs to be accompanied by generosity, acceptance, respect, and security.

From a very young age we begin to have ideas about love that are often far from reality. That’s why, as we begin to experience the stages of falling in love, we have doubts about what’s happening. How can I detect the love of my life?

The truth of the matter is that there are no unique characteristics to say that someone is or isn’t the love of your life. We know that all personalities are different and, therefore, there are many ways to love. In any case, what’s clear is that to love doesn’t mean suffering or enduring.

The love of my life is unconditional and generous

A couple embracing with a sunset in the background.

Yes, the love of your life needs to be unconditional. That means that they’ll never start to judge you. The love of your life won’t hurt you with their words. They use them to motivate you, not to slow you down.

The love of my life will be by my side and will love me in all my facets, with all my mistakes and errors. But, most importantly, we both contribute equally to the relationship. Because I am aware that, in love, generosity is paramount.

So generous is the love of my life that they’re always ready to solve the conflicts that we face. Because yes, in every relationship, there are differences, arguments, and problems that need to be discusses in order to solve them.

Communication in a relationship is of the utmost importance. Anything can destroy what you’ve built. This includes things that you keep to yourself, that you don’t say when you should, that can come out later and destroy your relationship.

Also read: Why People Don’t End Relationships When They No Longer Work

If it makes me suffer, it isn’t love

You should understand that the love of your life won’t make you suffer. However, anyone who loves you won’t manipulate you based on their whims. The love of your life won’t make you feel like a submissive person. They won’t use you for their own benefit as if you don’t have your own value. And of course, they won’t lie to you. Like we said, communication is important.

This way, the love of your life is a support for you. Your security grows with them. Fear, doubt and insecurities don’t exist in this relationship. The moment that these appear, the relationship breaks down.

Because of all of this, it’s important to open your eyes. Don’t let yourself get carried around by unreal expectations. Be conscious of selfish attitudes that hurt more than they appear.

Also read: The Danger of High Expectations

Mature love is built little by little

A man resting his head on his love's shoulder, looking at her lovingly.

Sometimes crisis happen because of different things. It could be because of a lack of sex, missing the spark in the relationship, and the frustration because there are changes. This is normal. Being infatuated is a phase that makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. It also makes you very active. But, when it passes, you find yourself in a more relaxed relationship.

It’s necessary to evaluate this. Don’t start pointing fingers because, in a relationship, both people change. Love will become more mature. But it’s not worse. In fact, just the opposite is true.

A mature love enjoys each step of the relationship. People who love communicate and know how to enjoy the person they have at their side.

Sometimes, we want everything to go quickly and this can make you see stars. To create a mature love, it’s necessary to go slowly and calmly. You should enjoy every moment. This is the love of your life.

Love and being enamored can be confused and make you doubt if you’re with the love of your life or not. Make the distinction and keep in mind that love is indispensable for enjoying a full relationship.

  • Beauregard, M., Courtemanche, J., Paquette, V., & St-Pierre, É. L. (2009). The neural basis of unconditional love. Psychiatry Research – Neuroimaging. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003
  • Bonilla-Algovia, Enrique & Rivas-Rivero, Esther. (2018). Mitos del amor romántico en una muestra de futuros y futuras docentes || Romantic love myths in a sample of trainee teachers. Revista de Estudios e Investigación en Psicología y Educación. 5. 113. 10.17979/reipe.2018.5.2.3624.