How Do I Know if This is the Love of My Life?

21 February, 2019
Even though we think that love is enough for a relationship to last, the truth is that it needs to be accompanied with generosity, acceptance, respect, and security.

Every single person wants to find the love of their life. They want to find love that makes them shine, and a relationship where there are no doubts. People want to know that they’re with someone who loves and respects them.

However, sometimes, people have certain beliefs that muddy their vision of this very idealized love.

These can make them fall into difficult situations. Situations that are really hurting them.

One of these mistakes is to believe that all you need is love and that love will make a relationship last. However, this isn’t true. More ingredients are necessary for a romantic relationship to be really successful.

The love of my life is unconditional and generous

Woman inside a bird cage next to a free woman

Yes, the love of your life needs to be unconditional. That means that they’ll never start to judge you. The love of your life won’t hurt you with their words. They use them to motivate you, not to slow you down.

This won’t happen even in in the worst moments. This means the times that bring out the worst in you and make you project all of your frustrations and resentments on the person who loves you the most.

The love of your life will be by your side in all parts of life, regardless of your mistakes and failures.

But, above all, the most important thing is that both of you have the same relationship. In your relationship, there isn’t one who gives more than the other. No!

You’re conscious that in love, generosity is very important. And if one of the supports wears down because of tiredness, habits or accommodation, it will all be in vain.

Love is so generous that it’s always ready to come up with solutions for the conflicts that overwhelm you. This is because in every relationship, there are differences, discussions, and problems. These are things you need to talk about and negotiate to come up with a solution.

Communication in a relationship is of the utmost importance.

Anything can destroy what you’ve built. This includes things that you keep to yourself, that you don’t say when you should, that can come out later and destroy your relationship.

Also read:

Why People Don’t End Relationships When They No Longer Work

If it makes me suffer, it isn’t love

Woman with birds in front of her head

You should understand that the love of your life won’t make you suffer. However, sometimes because of movement and blindness you let it happen. Then you claim “it’s because he loves me so much!”

However, anyone who loves you won’t manipulate you based on their whims. The love of your life won’t make you feel like a submissive person. They won’t use you for their own benefit as if you don’t have your own value.

And of course, they won’t lie to you. Like we said, communication is important. And with it comes sincerity, understanding, and respect.

This way, it’s a support for you. Your security grows with it. Fear, doubt and insecurities don’t exist in this relationship. The moment that these appear, it could be because the love of your life isn’t there yet.

Because of all of this, it’s important to open your eyes. Don’t let yourself get carried around by unreal expectations. Be conscious of selfish attitudes that hurt more than they appear.

Also read:

The Danger of High Expectations

Mature love is built little by little

A couple hugging

Sometimes crisis happen because of different things. It could be because of a lack of sex, missing the spark in the relationship and the frustration because there are changes.

This is normal. Being enamored is a phase that makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. It also makes you very active. But, when it passes you find yourself in a more relaxed relationship. It’s much calmer where, without a doubt, everything has changed.

It’s necessary to evaluate this. Don’t start throwing blame because, in a relationship, both people change. Love will become more mature, but not worse. It’s exactly the opposite.

A mature love enjoys each step of the relationship. People who love communicate and know how to enjoy the person they have at their side.

Sometimes, we want everything to go quickly and this can make you see stars. To create a mature love, it’s necessary to go slowly and calmly. You should enjoy every moment. This is the love of your life.

Love and being enamored can be confused and make you doubt if you’re with the love of your life or not.

Make the distinction and keep in mind that love is indispensable for enjoying a full relationship.

Pictures courtesy of Ofra Amit.

Main image courtesy of ©

  • Beauregard, M., Courtemanche, J., Paquette, V., & St-Pierre, É. L. (2009). The neural basis of unconditional love. Psychiatry Research – Neuroimaging.
  • Bonilla-Algovia, Enrique & Rivas-Rivero, Esther. (2018). Mitos del amor romántico en una muestra de futuros y futuras docentes || Romantic love myths in a sample of trainee teachers. Revista de Estudios e Investigación en Psicología y Educación. 5. 113. 10.17979/reipe.2018.5.2.3624.