How to Improve Self-Esteem After a Breakup

· January 18, 2018
Although we may see it as something negative, it is necessary to pass through a stage of grieving following a separation to be able to heal our wounds and come out the other side stronger.

Each breakup, whether or not it is traumatic, has a series of consequences. Among them is the effect on our self-esteem. But, is it possible to improve your self-esteem after a separation?

The answer is “yes.” Although in order to achieve this, we have to be aware if you have been effected in the first place or not.

After breaking up with a partner, our lives takes a new course. We are alone, we’re no longer going to walk hand in hand with someone, and the whole future that we’d visualized no longer exists.

Read: Five Important Questions that You Must Ask Yourself Before Ending a Relationship

It is normal for insecurity to arise when faced with this situation. Suddenly, it is difficult to take decisions or to look to the future with positivity… However, we find it very easy to blame ourselves.

Improving your self-esteem after a separation starts with caring for yourself

a man laying in bed, sad because of a breakup

To improve our self-esteem after a separation, it is necessary to take an important first step, which is to care for ourselves.

After a breakup with a partner, our self-esteem drops, we sink into sadness, and we forget about ourselves.

We stop treating ourselves. We leave aside the idea of doing exercise and eating well. Instead of recovering from this painful experience, we prefer to feel even worse if that is even possible.

Nor is it a good idea to distance ourselves or isolate ourselves from our friends. They are the ones we can let off steam with. They may have even gone through the same and can give us the best advice.

It is natural to feel pain and to want to be alone to experience it fully. We should bear in mind that, as long as it doesn’t go on for too long, it is healthy.

We can eat badly, stop doing exercise, abandon ourselves completely… But this shouldn’t last for more than a couple of weeks.

Otherwise, it would be advisable to ask for help, because we may we incubating a potential case of depression.

Don’t take refuge in social networks

a heart shape in a leaf, with the sun peeking through

To improve our self-esteem following a breakup, it is essential to overcome the temptation to start “chatting” with possible future partners on social networks.

Sometimes, we recommend “what you need is a Tinder date” to people who have just been through a breakup and have lost the hope of finding someone.

However, this is not a healthy recommendation. Not because it’s impossible to find anyone who matches our expectations, but because it is necessary to go through the phase of grieving.

Taking refuge in social networks because we want to feel wanted again, to help believe that we’re not going to end up alone, or to avoid feeling the pain, is not positive.

It is natural to feel pain, to feel broken or hopeless.Our self-esteem has dropped, but we have to lift it back up, not by dodging it, but by looking at it face on.

We must accept what has happened, spending more time in the real world and not so much on the internet, and giving ourselves the time to heal the pain that has come up since the breakup.

It is natural to feel sad, but being pessimistic is a choice

a woman very sad because of a breakup

If you want to improve your self-esteem, the first thing you have to realize is that sadness is a natural feeling that all people suffer from.

We tend to reject it because we label it as a negative emotion. However, it is very necessary.

When we are sad after a separation, we have to enter the room of grief to reflect, accept, overcome it, and leave renewed as soon as possible.

It is a necessary step, but what happens if we don’t want to take it? We will enter that room whether we like it or not, even if we deceive ourselves by believing that we’re not really there.

The more we try to dodge the sadness, the longer we will spend in that room and this will turn us into pessimists. This is simply because we’ve made a bad choice.

We choose to ignore it, to distract ourselves, instead of facing it. Instead of looking at ourselves and taking the experience as an opportunity to recover, to care for ourselves and to mature.

Before you go, don’t miss: Grief, That Internal Process No One is Prepared For

Choosing acceptance

So yes, you can improve your self-esteem after a separation. This is as long as you look at the sadness face on, you feel it, you understand it and, above all, you accept what has happened.

Although we can’t see the hope in the situation yet, we know it is there. We just have to look back to remember other situations where the same thing happened.

Did it all end there?

No, because everything passes.

Field, T. (2011). Romantic Breakups, Heartbreak and Bereavement—Romantic Breakups. Psychology. https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2011.24060