“I want to be single, but with you” – The Viral Letter

Can you imagine a relationship in which you and your partner make all the rules? You don’t conform to social norms and standards because you don’t need to. Because that’s what makes you happy.
“I want to be single, but with you” – The Viral Letter
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 30 May, 2022

I want to be single, but with you” is a letter that’s been making its rounds throughout the world via the internet. Maybe one reason it’s so popular is that it’s a clear statement of intentions (sexual and non-sexual) about the rules of relationships.

Regardless of whether or not you identify with the content, when you read it, you realize that your true soulmate is the person with whom you can be yourself, for the rest of your life. If you want to learn more about the idea “I want to be single but with you,” read more below!
“I want to be single with you.
I want you to go out and have a beer with friends, to have a hangover the next day and ask me to come see you because you feel like having me in your arms. I want to talk to you in bed in the mornings about all kinds of things, but also sometimes in the afternoons; I want everyone to do whatever they want during the day.
I want you to tell me about the nights you go out with your friends. To tell me that there was a girl at the bar making eyes at you. I want you to send me messages when you’re drunk with your friends just to tell me nonsense, just so you can be sure that I’m also thinking of you.
I want us to laugh when we’re making love. To start laughing because we’re trying new, silly things.
I want to be with our friends and for you to take my hand and lead me to another room because you can’t stand the wait anymore and want to make love to me right there. I want to try to be quiet because the others will be able to hear us.

A woman covered in vines and flowers, stretching over her legs, feeling free

I want to consume you, for you to make me talk about myself and you talk about yourself. I want to argue about which is better, the north coast or the south coast, the west or the eastern seaboard.
I can only imagine the apartment of our dreams, even though I know we will probably never live together. I want you to tell me about your plans, even though they aren’t fully formed. I want you to surprise me by saying, “Grab your passport, let’s go.”
I want to be afraid with you. To do things that no one else would because I feel safe with you. To come back to the house drunk after a great night with my friends. For you to take my face in your hands, kiss me, to use me as a pillow and hold me very tight at night.

Woman laying in bed possibly thinking about her partner

I want you to have your life, to decide to go on a trip for a few weeks just on a whim. To leave me here alone and bored, hoping you’ll pop up on Facebook saying “hi.”
I don’t want to always be invited to your parties, and I don’t want to always invite you to mine. That way the next day I can tell you about my night and you can tell me about yours.
I want something that’s simple but complicated at the same time. Something that makes me question myself but that, the minute you’re in the same room with me, all my worries disappear. I want you to think that I’m beautiful, to be proud to say that we’re together.
I want you to tell me I love you, and above all, to be able to tell you the same. I want you to watch me walk ahead of you so you can see my hips sway from side to side. To have me scrape the car windows in the wintertime because the way my body wiggles from side to side makes you smile.

A naked woman covering herself with her arms and she is wrapped in many different colors and patterns

I want to make plans without knowing we’ll ever do them. To be in an honest relationship. I want to be that girl that you want to stay. I want you to continue to have a desire to fool around with other girls, but to look for me at the end of the night. Because I want to go home with you.
I want to be the one with whom you make love and fall asleep. The one who leaves you alone when you’re working and who loves it when you get lost in your world of music. I want to live a single life with you. Because living our life as a couple would be the same as our single lives now, but together.
One day, I’ll find you.”

This is the letter that’s causing a sensation on the Internet. It was written by Isabelle Tessier and dedicated to love and longing. This is a “love” that she feels is independent and ideal.

You may have differing opinions about her idea, but what’s clear is that there are a lot of people who identify with her words. The truth is that relationships that are “free from expectations” are becoming more prevalent in our society.

What does it mean to be neither friends nor lovers?

Abstract art of a woman that is surrounded by various colors, and appears to be feeling very liberated and appears that she wants to be single

Being friends without being lovers means breaking down barriers you impose on yourselves when maintaining the relationship. It means setting your rules based on your true needs and concerns, not the expectations that society has set for you.

Today, maybe thanks to our modern lifestyle, there’s this style of free relationships with fewer commitments. Of course, depending on who you ask, this can have more or fewer benefits. Whoever accepts and advocates for it should at least consider these two important points:

It’s a different way to enjoy your sexuality

Maybe two people who like each other and are attracted to each other just want to have a sexual relationship and not create an exclusive bond that keeps them from going out with other people. Or it could be that they love each other but don’t feel the need to live up to expectations.

This means staying independent and building their lives without the need to explain what they do. The idea is that the two members of the relationship get to determine the rules. They do this while ignoring what society or fairy tales have told them.

Being outside of the norm, it’s obvious as to why some still question this concept today.

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It can help manage emotions

These types of relationships help both partners explore and get to know themselves both sexually and emotionally. Because this is a complex situation involving feelings, resolving fears and doubts can establish some emotional control.

Such relationships are just as valid as the conventional or formal variety, as long as both members share the terms and goals. Just like with everything else, the moment this kind of arrangement is hurting someone, it should be stopped.

It’s likely that there are people who think that this type of relationship has lost the magic. However, the magic is something that is created by two people, not the typical love that we all know.

Everyone should respect the capability of each of us to decide what type of relationships we want to have. Although freedom in love is still taboo in our society, more people are promoting tolerance and freedom of expression. You should be able to want to be single and be together with someone at the same time with no fear of trying.

So let each person openly and comfortably choose how they want their relationships to be. At the end of the day, being free from judgment is good for everyone. If you want to be single and be in a relationship, you should be able to do so.

 HuffPost Quebec originally published this letter and translated into English for the Huffington Post.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.