Hyper Parenting: A Way Create Unhappy Children

Although it might seem like the best way to care for them, hyper parenting your children can cause them to be insecure and highly critical of themselves.
Hyper Parenting: A Way Create Unhappy Children
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 27 May, 2022

Hyper parenting is defined as the excessive lavishing of attention on your children. To some, it might seem like a means to an end, while to others it calls our entire education system for children into question.

How can you not pay close attention to the way your little ones are raised? Where do you draw the lines? Every child needs attention and continuous care from their parents. But sometimes it’s important to be aware of where the correct balance lies.

The truth is that there is a subtle boundary where you can guide your children to achieve personal growth without falling into the trappings of emotional toxicity.

This is because parenting isn’t equivalent to controlling, and education doesn’t mean smothering, much less clipping your children’s’ wings. Soon they’ll be adults who are capable of making their own decisions and being responsible for their lives. Still, the term “hyper parenting” has even more implications.

Hyper parenting and over protection

The strangest thing about this type of behavior or educational approach is that the parents are involved in every aspect of their children’s lives: sports, school, hobbies, food, friends…

A hyper parent thinks they’re the best parent in the world, raising their children better than the rest. But the actual emotional and personal balance of their kids may be far from a reflection of their happiness.

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Hyper parenting is a way to create unhappy children


Parents may have a clear idea of what the perfect child should be like, including viewing themselves as a formula or point of reference.

But as time passes, they’ll find that their children don’t always conform to their ideals, triggering feelings of disappointment.

  • When a child sees that disappointment in the eyes of their parents, they can begin to experience a sense of failure and inferiority.

Anxiety and stress

One aspect to consider is that hyper parenting goes hand in hand with “educational hyperactivity.” It’s not uncommon for such parents to engage their children in multiple extracurricular activities, even those that the children themselves are not interested in.

  • Gradually they become stressed, with levels of anxiety that are similar to those of adults.
  • Parents who engage in hyper parenting have a hard time tolerating their children’s mistakes. They make every effort to raise responsible children who are immune to error or failure – which is impossible.

Inability to fail

  • Every child should have the experience of failing at something so that they can learn from their own mistakes.
  • Children raised under hyper parenting become their own judges. You’ve set the bar so high that when they realize that they won’t be able to reach it, they sink into depression and self-destruction.

Parenting through healthy attachments to promote responsibility

According to a study carried out at Queen’s University in Ontario (Canada), one of the most serious consequences of hyper parenting is that children between the ages of seven and 12 years old hardly know what it’s like to play outside or interact with their friends. They’re unhappy.

You know that raising a child involves protecting them, above all, but that protection should be based on the following aspects.

Protect them so that they feel safe, not “subjected”

  • Parenting through healthy attachment means recognizing your child and promoting a good self-image.
  • A child who feels safe and recognized by their parents will have better self-esteem and won’t be afraid to grow and mature responsibly.
Children must feel safe to make mistakes and learn their lessons

Protect them by giving advice, but letting them learn from their own mistakes

Protect your children so they don’t suffer and keep them on the right track, but always promote their individual voice and let them make their own mistakes so they can learn from them.

Make sure to protect them so they’ll know you’ll always be by their side

Attachment and the strength of your bond are invaluable, especially in the early years of your children’s lives. But once they are seven or eight years old, they take a major leap toward maturity.

  • This is when they begin to demand their own rights and develop a concept of justice and morality. In this chaotic pre-adolescence stage, they will begin to make decisions that might surprise you.
  • Always listen to them and teach them every day that to be free they must be responsible, that to enjoy certain privileges, certain obligations must be met.

You need to promote a type of learning that’s based on experience, not through hyper parenting. It’s worth remembering.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.