You've Cheated, Here's What You Need to Do Now
You probably feel guilty if you’ve cheated. Hurting someone you love and appreciate is hard, especially in these cases. Feeling you’ve betrayed something as valuable as your trust can even be traumatic.
However, you must keep in mind you need to face what happened. You can’t get stuck, or turn a situation around that no longer has a remedy. You must take responsibility for your actions.
It doesn’t matter if you’re one of those people that’s afraid to break-up with your partner or someone who’s simply not in love anymore. It’s important you take the time to reflect on what happened and how it might affect your relationship.
Here are the best tips for dealing with this complicated situation.
You’ve cheated, now take responsibility for it
Some people hide it when they’re unfaithful so the relationship isn’t hurt. However, they pay a hefty price for a lack of honesty.
Sooner or later, it will come out. This may be because they keep cheating or because they left a trail. Any mistake is useful to unmask infidelity.
If the relationship’s monogamous and not polyamorous or open, it’s important to take responsibility for it and tell the other person. Honesty and sincerity should always be first.
Another thing that happens a lot is blaming the other person for the infidelity. Saying things like, “Well, we aren’t having sex as often as before” or “It’s just that we’re cold now” can make the other person feel guilty.
It shouldn’t be like this. It’s a clear attempt at manipulation and lack of responsibility to acknowledge who it really was that messed up. Therefore, it’s important you reflect on how you’re acting.
Put some distance after you’ve cheated
Sometimes, people who have been unfaithful in their desperation to be forgiven and not lose their significant other do whatever it takes. They beg they get on their knees, they cry, and make all types of promises…
After a crisis, you have to take some space. This is so the other person can gain perspective on what happened and have the freedom to make the best decision.
The person who has been unfaithful needs the space to put their thoughts in order, too. Reflect on why you cheated and consider why your current relationship may not have been fulfilling you. It’s important to be clear regarding certain aspects in order to decide if you should close this chapter and start another.
The real problem comes when you deny it because romantic love – or the “forever after” – is so engraved in your heart that you can’t wrap your mind around the fact that you may have thrown a relationship away with a single mistake.
You’re afraid to acknowledge that things aren’t working anymore. Therefore, you continue in a relationship that’s crumbling underneath you.
The importance of owning mistakes
We all make mistakes. Some affect only you, while others also significantly impact others.
Be that as it may, after infidelity, you have to learn to accept the mistake. That way, you can get rid of the guilt and stop trying to manipulate the other person to stay.
After all, if they want to leave the relationship, it’s their right. You should accept it without trying to change their mind.
What if you decide to stay together after infidelity?
In addition, you should be aware that the relationship will never be like it used to be. Everything changes after a mistake like this and you should remember that. It affects both members and the relationship in general.
Give them space to reflect and decide what it is that they want, while you assume the consequences for what you did.
Therefore, it’s essential to talk about what happened, about how everyone feels, and how to approach the next step of the relationship.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
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- Humberto, J., & Osorio, V. (2011). La dinámica vincular celos-infidelidad. Pensamiento Psicológico, Volumen 9(17), 97–102.
- Espinoza, A. V., Correa, F. E., & García, L. F. (2014). Percepción social de la infidelidad y estilos de amor en la pareja. Enseñanza e Investigación En Psicología, 19(1), 135–147.
- Canto, J. M., García-Leiva, P., Perles, F., San Martín, J. E., & Ruiz, M. (2009). Los celos en la infidelidad emocional y en la infidelidad sexual: Una perspectiva sociocognitivista. Revista de Psicologia Social, 24(3), 307–318. https://doi.org/10.1174/021347409789050542