Feeling Lonely Even in the Presence of Others

If we feel alone it might be because we don't know how to relate to those around us. It also could be because they're putting us off to the side, in which case it would be better to just walk away. 
Feeling Lonely Even in the Presence of Others
Bernardo Peña

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Bernardo Peña.

Last update: 09 October, 2022

Human beings are social beings, which is why socialization and interaction with other people is so important. Feeling alone, even in a sea of people, can sometimes leave us flustered. 

Some of the reasons why we may feel lonely might have to do with a lack of social skills or on other occasions, with not knowing how to choose the right crowd.

Feeling lonely after isolating ourselves

There are moments in our lives when we feel forced to isolate ourselves whether by choice or by circumstance.

For example, after living through a serious accident it’s possible that someone may need to stay at home for months until they’re fully recovered. This can be an example of isolation from others.

However, there are other reasons that can lead to isolation. Depression or social anxiety can be a pair of examples.

The problem appears during recovery. In the first example, after the accident; in the second, in the after stages of depression or social anxiety.

It’s at that moment when we throw ourselves again at the world, but panic can take hold of us because we feel alone even in the company of others.

We attend parties where we feel like we don’t belong and end up unable to enjoy it. Regardless of how many people surround us, it still feels like solitude.

The question that we should be asking ourselves is: how are we acting in that situation? The normal response would be interacting, talking with ease….What really is the problem?

Maybe something went wrong. Maybe we lost some social skills.

Social skills are gained

Feeling alone can be a result of loosing social skills like interacting and socializing with other people.

As a consequence, we’re overcome by insecurity and shame.

There are many people that also feel lonely in the company of others because they never learned how to properly develop the social skills that are needed for interacting with the people around them.

On a different note, other might have a low self-esteem that causes their insecurity and shame to grow into strong walls that might seem impossible to bring down.

However, all of the above has a solution. We can recuperate social skills, just as we can acquire and loose them.

Upon entering a social setting we might feel a bit out of place, very uncomfortable and want nothing more than to escape. However, the best thing to do is to face our fears.

The more we confront it, the more we will rid ourselves of the discomfort.

Socializing with people again can help us recuperate social skills that we lost from being in isolation and it can also help us face those baseless fears that make us feel inferior and unimportant when communicating with others.

There’s only one solution for when we feel lonely when we’re with other people: keep looking for social settings and facing them courageously.

What kind of crowd are you following?

If none of the previously mentioned is the root of why we feel alone when with others, we must turn to analyze our social setting.

It’s possible that we haven’t noticed, but the reason behind feeling alone might be because we’re being ignored, humiliated, made to be invisible or manipulated in some sort of way…

Many toxic people camouflage themselves with unassuming masks and they catch easily us in their traps.

However, you might also feel alone because the people in your group have nothing to do with you. In this case, it’s normal to feel alone because such interactions don’t amount to much.

We always have to choose people who share common interests that help us converse naturally. They should be people with we can share experiences and thoughts while at the same time, people we can learn to trust.

Before you go, don’t miss: Benefits of Coffee and Friends

Feeling alone is something we can change. We just need to observe and analyze the situation. Once we identify it, we can work to find a solution.

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