The Bigger the Emotional Wound, the More Private the Pain

· July 13, 2016

As much as it hurts you now, know that this emotional wound you feel inside, which affects your entire universe, will heal.

The bigger your emotional wound, the more private your suffering and the more alone you’ll feel.

Negative emotions are common enemies in the human mind that both affect us and prevent us from moving forward.

A lot of times we see psychological “wounds” as situations that, over your lifetime, have left a traumatic imprint on your mind.

Traumas are excessive pains that an individual is not capable of digesting and facing which then become latent in your inner landscape.  They then affect your behavior and the way you see the world.

We should also point out that wounds are not overcome the same way if experienced as a child or as an adult.  Children lack their own resources to digest hurt, aggression, and disappointment.

But children and adults do have one thing in common.  The more intense the trauma or wound, the greater their sense of isolation.  Let’s take a look at this.

The emotional wound you carry inside

Disappointment, betrayal, and emotional pain caused by others…It all breaks your inner peace and perceptions that, until then, made you feel “secure” and provided your well-being.

You could also say that the wounds you carry silently inside have different roots and images.  But psychologists explain that trauma generally has the following characteristics:

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Trauma and emotional wound types

  • When your base sense of security is broken: This could happen during childhood or as an adult.  Suddenly, everything that defined you, people that are significant to you, and that are your pillars every day, betray you.  You lose everything that once offered you security.
  • Lack of loving interaction: It’s common for children to not receive sufficient emotional support that strengthens their relationships.  This is also common in partners who don’t feel love or support from their partners.  This is an emptiness that leaves a deep wound.
  • Being the victim of certain assaults: Physical attacks or assaults on the self-esteem, having your willpower violated as a person with rights to your own opinion, values, and behavior, are common attacks that generally leave severe trauma.

How traumatic wounds affect us

  • The impact of the attack, the lack of emotional support, or breaking a sense of security that everyone needs, directly affects brain chemistry.
  • Trauma creates a type of post-traumatic stress that puts the brain on continuous alert.  Fear, mistrust, and anxiety weave themselves into this neurochemical chaos that could lead to depression.
  •  Norepinephrine, epinephrine, or dopamine can cause insomnia, making you always tired, suffering from mood swings…

Even though each person generally presents their own concrete set of symptoms, and although no case is alike, on the cerebral level these neurotransmitter alterations are somewhat common.

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 Wounds and feeling alone

The more intense the emotional wound, the more a person becomes paralyzed, consequently leading to a greater sense of isolation.

  • The wounded individual feels like no one can understand what they’re going through, what they’re suffering.
  • The sense of isolation is caused by the change in neurotransmitters, which intensify the perception of isolation and negativity.
  • Emotional unease also includes physical unease.  Fatigue, apathy, muscles aches, and headaches also tend to disconnect people from the world.

Also keep in mind that it’s not so easy to share your emotional wounds.  You can talk about how bad your day went, the talk you had with your partner…

But revealing to the other person how your partner humiliated you, or how since you were a child you were abandoned, is something so complex, it isn’t easily communicated or shared.

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How to face even the most intense emotional wound

It’s always interesting to think about things regarding human emotions.  Negative emotions can help you understand that something’s going wrong, and it can help you to re-build.  They should never “paralyze” you.

Likewise, positive emotions are meant to “connect” you with the people around you.  All this means that:

  • You have the right to be sad, downhearted, and angry.  These emotions don’t need to be permanent, but they will help to understand that something’s wrong and you should react and fight.
  • You’re not weak for asking for help, to say that you’re not doing well, that you’ve run into roadblocks.  So don’t hesitate to talk to someone who can truly hear you and help you.

Understand that the past is already done.  It already happened, the wound is deep, and you’ll probably never fully heal until it goes away.  But you need to understand that:

  • The memory does not forget, but it does let you continue to live without it hurting as much.
  • Wounds are healed by covering them with new hopes, new projects that help you be free from the past.
  • Support yourself with people that truly love you.  Fight to take care of yourself and to love yourself everyday, just like you deserve.

What someone did to you in the past should not define who you are today.