You Don’t Need to Please Everyone: Not Everyone Has 'Good Taste'

It’s normal to want to please everyone, but it’s wrong to stop being yourself to do so.

Reviewed and approved by psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 27 May, 2022

One of the top causes of unnecessary suffering is unquestionably our concern to please everyone. You might tell yourself that this doesn’t apply to you; that you don’t care at all about adjusting to other people’s preferences. But in a way, this is something we have all done at some point.

Humans, in order to be part of their social and emotional environments, are programmed to harmonize, to tune in to others. This often requires having to please others, to be courteous, and to even say “yes” when we feel like saying “no.”

The key to this lies in striking a balance between assertiveness and emotional intelligence. We all like to please others and know that people see us as approachable, but that should never make you feel trapped to please everyone constantly.

In today’s article, we want to reflect on this.

The desperate need to please everyone and to be liked by all

People need to “be liked,” and anyone who thinks otherwise might be fooling themselves. To be liked means to hone your skills of seduction to attract a potential partner that you’re drawn to.

To be liked is to project a good image during a job interview to feel secure about your desired future.

You like people who are similar to you and you enjoy making friends. You also can’t deny the fact that sometimes, you have to give up a little ground in favor of your family.
Nevertheless, giving up a little doesn’t mean losing a lot. It’s just maintaining a healthy balance so that everyone can coexist. If we are selfish, by setting boundaries and building walls, we may forget what it means to live in a society.

The question that’s probably going through your mind right now might be: Where is the limit? Where is this boundary between my identity and what society requires of me to fit in?

We’ll explain below.

That intimate process of self-discovery

Everyone has their own essence, and that essence is nothing more than your personal baggage containing your values, emotions, self-esteem, and self-awareness:

• This personal journey during which you discover who you are is a process that lasts your entire life.
• During adolescence, it’s common to develop this need to please everyone. You’ve landed in the world as a social being in search of your first experiences, and you need, above all, to feel integrated.
• This can make a young person sometimes feel a serious disconnection between what they are or feel, and what others want from them.
• Society asks you to be attractive, perfect, and independent. What’s in style becomes homogenized, while your uniqueness and essence are removed. This is wrong.

Everyone has gone through these stages only to find that inner balance is the essential part that makes you feel unique, special, and different from the rest.

The adventure of being yourself

Far from what many people believe, being yourself isn’t easy. On one hand, you have to face the expectations of your surroundings, family, society, and job:

• We are expected to be good children, loving partners, and effective employees.
• Although sometimes you’re just experimenting with who you are, blackmail and the expectations of others can solicit things from you that go against your values.
• The adventure of being yourself requires you to experience small confrontations, whether you like it or not. This is not wrong or immoral.

Not everyone has the “good taste” to appreciate you

The world won’t end with a “no, I don’t like you”; in fact, this opens up other opportunities:

• If you strive every day to have everyone like you, you might pull away from yourself: that personal journey where your self-esteem, balance, and identity are inscribed.
• If someone doesn’t have the “good taste” to appreciate your character, outrageous laughter, sense of humor, sarcasm, and passion for life – don’t worry.

For each person who grimaces in disgust, there are dozens of others who empathize with who you are: the vitality that defines you and makes you unique. So don’t hesitate to enjoy every day as an adventure to self-discovery.