Ways to Get Over Ghosting and Why You Shouldn't Ghost

Ending a relationship is often painful and conflictive, but some people use ghosting as a way to cut ties and avoid such discomfort. Learn more in this article.
Ways to Get Over Ghosting and Why You Shouldn't Ghost

Last update: 10 May, 2021

Social networks have opened up a wide range of possibilities to establish relationships online, but ghosting is also more common as a consequence. Has it ever happened to you?

Imagine the following situation: you meet a new person online, the conversation is great and you even go on several dates. Everything seems to be going perfectly, but then they suddenly disappear.

They don’t read your messages, don’t answer your calls, and block your access to all of their profiles. Then, you never hear from them again. Welcome to the club, your friend has cut off contact without giving explanations or a chance to react.

You’ve just been ghosted.

What are the consequences of ghosting?

A woman looking at her phone.
Ghosting is a way in which people who want to avoid conflict end relationships.

Interpersonal interactions are different since the advent of the Internet. Flaky relationships are the order of the day and empathy towards others is now considerably reduced.

We’ve lost sight of the fact that our actions have repercussions on the feelings of others and disregard emotional responsibility. Nevertheless, behaviors such as ghosting can have extremely negative consequences.

This is because the recipient may experience great damage to their self-esteem and feel ashamed, humiliated, and rejected. In addition, they may be involved in longer and more complicated mourning than usual because they’re deprived of closure. This can lead to trust issues in future relationships.

In addition, those who practice ghosting may also experience consequences. Mainly, the feeling of guilt and remorse for having harmed another person with whom they shared a bond. They may also feel shame and discomfort for not knowing how to cope with and resolve complicated social situations.

Ways to get over ghosting

Ghosting happens to the best of us and you might have to face it someday if you haven’t already. This is why we’d like to share some tips to overcome it and prevent its consequences.

Accept what happened

A common initial reaction when a person ghosts you is to think that something bad happened to them.  This is why you haven’t heard from them, for sure, you think. It leads you to look for them and try to contact them insistently without them ever answering. It further damages your self-esteem.

It’s important to accept what happened, to assume they’ve decided not to have contact with you again. Furthermore, it’s also necessary to accept that it’s a painful situation, to recognize the sadness, disappointment, or anger you’re experiencing.

Beware of causal attributions

A victim of ghosting often blames themselves for what happened. Thus, they may interpret it as that the other person cut off contact because they did something wrong. Perhaps it’s because they’re not interesting or attractive enough, they think.

Remember that other people’s actions are personal to them, not you. In this case, they probably reflect a lack of assertiveness and a fear of facing conflict.

In addition, it’s possible to make the mistake of believing that if this happened once, it’ll become the rule in any future relationships. As you can see, keeping in mind that this is an isolated, one-time event, will help you trust future interactions.

Move on

The loss of a relationship is painful even if it’s short-lived and only took place online.

This is why you must take some time to grieve. Focus on yourself, your interests, and your goals for a while instead of rushing back into the search for a new relationship.

Try to take care of your internal dialogue, above all. This is because your mind fills with questions and queries that need answers when a person you care about disappears all of a sudden. It’s common to obsess over it and wonder why they’re no longer calling you, why it happened to you, what did you do to offend them…

Most likely, you’ll never find an answer to these questions but your mental health is more important than trying to understand the motives of others. Therefore, try to focus on your present and future, and leave the past behind.

Ghosting isn’t nice

A woman holding a cell phone.
The consequences of ghosting can be harmful to both the ghost and the ghostee.

Think about the consequences of your actions if you ever find yourself in the situation of wanting to ghost someone to end a friendship. You may be afraid of conflict and are just trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation in which the other person might get angry or sad. However, you can cause significant emotional damage if you disappear without an explanation.

You may end up hurt as a result of this decision, in fact. Thus, try to be empathetic and end your relationships assertively.

Ghosting isn’t good for your mental health

It’s easy to fall for the new type of relationships that happen over the Internet. However, taking care of your mental space and your emotional health (and also that of others) must be a priority.

This is why you must work on yourself, on your fears and insecurities, and social skills, and reaffirm your values. Do it so you won’t have to resort to ghosting. Learning to overcome adversity will make you stronger.

Don’t forget, you’re your greatest safety net.

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  • Pinzón Salcedo, E. R. (2020). El Ghosting como fenómeno de ruptura virtual en relaciones de pareja.
  • Verdés Bertolín, N. (2020). Enamorarse en el enjambre digital: relaciones virtuales y aplicaciones de citas.