My Partner Is Impotent, What Can We Do as a Couple?

18 May, 2020
Impotence becomes a vicious cycle. The more it happens, the more likely it is to happen again. However, if your partner is impotent, it might be easier to solve the problem if you do it as a couple.

You’re aroused and want to go from kissing and flirting to intercourse, but your partner’s male member is oblivious to the intensity of the moment. When your partner is impotent, this can lead to frustration, guilt, and, in the long run, maybe even heartbreak. However, this problem can be solved if all insecurities are set aside.

The vast majority of men have never experienced a failed erection. However, if it happens, always, or at least fairly frequently, it’s a case of erectile dysfunction.

According to World Health Organization figures, 15% of adult men report impotence problems. This figure increases to 40% after the age of 40 and to 70% after the age of 70. The most alarming thing is that the same studies consider that this problem is growing, and will reach 50% by the year 2025. However, if your partner is impotent, there are many ways to approach the problem to find an easy solution.

The causes of erectile dysfunction

Between 15% and 20% of erectile dysfunction cases have psychological causes. In other words, there’s no real problem but a lack of mental confidence. When your partner is impotent, the main psychological causes are:

  • Stress. Work, financial, or relationship problems affect the ability to get an erection.
  • Anxiety. If a man can’t get an erection once or has a bad experience, such as premature ejaculation, he may be anxious because he doesn’t want it to happen again. So, consequently, that anxiety prevents him from getting a proper erection.
  • Guilt and low self-esteem. Similar to anxiety, the man is afraid or guilty of not being able to satisfy his partner. Thus, worry doesn’t allow him to get an erection. He considers himself unable to satisfy his partner.
  • Depression. This is a common cause of impotence. The mind fails to deactivate itself from its worries and doesn’t respond to sexual stimulation. Sometimes, depression treatments also cause erectile dysfunction.
  • Indifference. Some men are indifferent to any sexual relationship. This usually happens as they age but it also occurs in young people.

In many cases, there’s a physical problem behind erectile dysfunction, such as:

  • Coronary and vascular problems
  • Obesity
  • High blood pressure
  • Smoking, alcoholism, or drug addiction
  • Diabetes
  • Prostate problems
  • Medication treatments, such as hormones, opioids, diuretics, and antidepressants, among others

You should also read: 2 Male Sexual Problems and What to Do About Them

What to do if your partner is impotent

A couple with sex problems.
Sexual impotence can be caused by many things that healthier habits can improve.

The first thing you need to do when your partner is impotent is to recognize the problem. If your partner has any of the detailed physical problems, it’s best to consult your doctor to discover if that’s the cause of the impotence. In those cases, prescription treatments can be of great help.

However, if it’s a psychological problem, the best way to have a normal erection and fully enjoy sex is to regain control of your body.

“To get an erection, all you need to do is be aroused and relaxed,” says sex therapy specialist Lisa Thomas. To achieve this, you can follow several tips and techniques that will surely help:

Lifestyle changes

It’s been shown that men who quit smoking and drinking increase their ability to achieve a full, long-lasting erection by 25%.

In the case of obese men, according to several studies, applying dietary changes can improve erectile function by up to 50%. Healthy diets that have a good protein, carbohydrate, and fat balance have proven to be effective.

Exercising, such as taking daily walks, is also helpful, as it not only helps reduce obesity but also strengthens pelvic muscles.

Kegel exercises

A man looking at his penis.
Exercising pelvic floor muscles allows a greater control over erections.

They’re exercises designed to strengthen pelvic muscles. Although they were initially intended to help women manage urinary incontinence after childbirth and to relax the vagina for greater sexual enjoyment, men can also do them to overcome impotence.

The muscles that Kegel exercises work are the same muscles that you use to stop urine flow and prevent gases from escaping.

Once you identify them, contract and relax them, without using other muscles such as the abs, thighs, and gluteal muscle. It’s advisable to do 10 reps of these exercises three times a day.

In addition to helping improve erections, they’re also very effective in controlling premature ejaculation.

Learn more here: Kegel Exercises to Tone Pelvic Muscles and Increase Sexual Pleasure

Talk to your partner

Communication is essential in relationships. If your partner is impotent, you should have an honest and open conversation about sexual intercourse but without the pressure to have sex right away.

Dr. Thomas recommends that couples talk about both partner’s expectations, what satisfies them, and what bothers them. They can try to touch and caress each other or masturbate each other until he feels more confident and less anxious. “The focus should be on your partner’s pleasure and responses, not on your penis,” concludes Thomas.

Try natural treatments

According to experts, some natural treatments are effective in helping men fight impotence. In addition to their other health benefits, they can help men feel more confident knowing that they’re strengthening their erectile capacity with these products.

  • Red ginger. Improves blood circulation, which helps improve blood flow to the penis. Several studies evidenced its influence on erections.
  • Rhodiola rosea. A study conducted with 35 men who were suffering from impotence showed that, after three months, this plant improved their sexual capacity.
  • Acupuncture. Some studies suggest that acupuncture may also help fight impotence.

Talk to a therapist

A man talking to a therapist.
In any case, professional help can be a great alternative to overcome sex problems.

Sex and couples therapists help couples overcome sexual problems. A trained professional, who you can talk to about your intimacies without fear of being judged, can help release tension and will give you new ideas to overcome problems if your partner is impotent.

  • The likely worldwide increase in erectile dysfunction between 1995 and 2025 and some possible policy consequences.The likely worldwide increase in erectile dysfunction between 1995 and 2025 and some possible policy consequences. New England Research Institutes Inc., Watertown, MA and *Department of Urology, Boston University School of Medicine, Boston, USA. (1999). 84, 50–56
  • Erectile Dysfunction. Milton Lakin, MD Hadley Wood, MD. Cleveland Clinic. (2018). http://www.clevelandclinicmeded.com/medicalpubs/diseasemanagement/endocrinology/erectile-dysfunction/
  • Do cigarette smokers with erectile dysfunction benefit from stopping?: A prospective study. BJU Int. Pourmand G, Alidaee MR, Rasuli S, Maleki A, Mehrsai A. (2004). 94:1310–1313).
  • Abdominal obesity and physical inactivity are associated with erectile dysfunction independent of body mass index. Janiszewski PM, Janssen I, Ross R. . J Sex Med 2009; 6:1990–1998.
  • Red ginseng for treating erectile dysfunction: a systematic review. Dai-Ja Jang, Myeong Soo Lee, Byung-Cheul Shin, Young-Cheoul Lee, and Edzard Ernst. Korea Food Research Institute, Sungnam, South Korea. (2008). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2561113/