Pleasing others is considered a good thing by many, but it’s very draining for the accommodating person who is thinking of everyone but him or herself.
Since we were young, we’ve been taught this attitude. We’ve been told to do things that we don’t always want to do if it’s what others want.
Because of this, we start to forget about ourselves.
However, there comes a day when we’re so drained that we have to stop and ask ourselves, “Who am I?” and “What do I want?”
Unfortunately, we may not know.
Regardless, realizing this can be the first step on the path to finding ourselves again.
Pleasing everyone can make us suffer
Trying to always please others can cause us a lot of pain. This is because we’re going to do things that we don’t want to do. In many cases, we’re going to disregard our own values.
For example, if you’re in a relationship and you cannot stand the smell of smoke in the house, you might let your partner smoke in the house without any reprimand, just to make him happy.
This creates a lot of bottled up frustration, which will only make things worse until, eventually, the relationship fizzes out.
Likewise, it could be that your parents want you to act in a certain way that is different from who you actually are or want to be.
Faced with this situation, your anxiety tells you to push the “please others” button. By doing this, you continue trying to make everyone happy.
But at what price?
The price is not prioritizing yourself, putting yourself in second place, and of being in constant search of the approval of others.
Are other people your source of happiness?
It may sound like a paradox thinking that pleasing everyone around you can make you suffer. However, there’s an explanation for this: of you do this, you’re putting your own happiness in someone else’s hands.
The moment that you start pleasing others in order to feel better about yourself or in the instant that another person is angry or disappointed at you, you’re faced with anxiety and want to change the situation.
You find yourself in an alleyway with no exit.
Then, you’ll try to get rid of the conflict. You’ll resort to always trying make sure our opinion is what other people want to hear. Then, you’ll simply go where others want to go, not to where you actually want to go.
In the end, what kind of life are you living? Is it yours or someone else’s? If you don’t take control, your life may become meaningless.
You can’t lose sleep over the fact that a friend is angry with you because you said “no” to hanging out, no matter what the reason.
- You also can’t worry about making sure you met the expectations that everyone else has for us.
- You have to learn to accept disapproval or negativity when you give your opinions, make decisions, or do the things we want. They will get over it!
Start to make yourself happy
In order to get yourself to stop pleasing everyone around you, you have to work really hard on your self-esteem. In addition to your insecurities, it was probably because of this that you began to act this way.
Once your self-esteem is where it should be, you have to start changing some old habits.
Start to say “no” when you want to say “no.” If someone gets angry, don’t get overwhelmed. Sooner or later, they will get over it (it’s not the end of the world!).
Give priority to your decisions, what you want, your opinions, and your dreams. But, above all else, prioritize your well-being.
You don’t have to do anything that doesn’t make you feel good. You’re wearing yourself down in vain. You’re suffering, and this can cause anxiety and depression.
Why don’t you start living for yourself?