I Don't Feel Valued by My Partner: What Can I Do?

There are times when people don't feel valued by their partner. They may even experience self-esteem problems because of it. Learn how to identify if this is your case and find out what you can do about it.
I Don't Feel Valued by My Partner: What Can I Do?
Isbelia Esther Farías López

Written and verified by the philosopher Isbelia Esther Farías López.

Last update: 11 June, 2022

Every day, more and more people seek therapeutic support stating: “I don’t feel valued by my partner. What can I do?” If you’re facing this same question, the answers may be closer than you think.
It’s normal to want recognition from a partner. In fact, as some studies show, happiness, in general, is complemented by happiness in the relationship.

If things aren’t going well with your partner, then you may not feel happy at all. Here are some suggestions to help you overcome this feeling of not being valued in your relationship.

Why don’t I feel valued by my partner?

First of all, when do you begin to feel that your partner doesn’t value you? This answer may vary, depending on each relationship. However, research tells us when things are going well, and this happens on the following occasions:

  • When there’s trust
  • There aren’t grudges or resentments between the two partners
  • They know how to forgive one another
  • They walk hand in hand in life, without leaving their goals aside
  • The couple likes to walk holding hands
  • They communicate at least once a day to see how their work is going
  • They proudly show each other off to the world and aren’t afraid or ashamed of others seeing them together.
  • When they come home, they give one another a hug
  • Every morning they say “I love you” or “good morning” to each other
  • They try to go to bed at the same time
  • They have common interests as well as their own interests

If any of these points fails, or most of them, it’s likely that the relationship isn’t working at all well. Couples who value one another make time for each other and don’t use “I have a lot to do” as an excuse. They feel proud of and support one another and they recognize and celebrate achievements in a reciprocal way.

A woman who feels disconnected from her partner.
Functional relationships are characterized by a good level of trust and communication. If this fails, and other elements are missing, it’s likely that things aren’t working well.

What can you do if you don’t feel valued by your partner?

If you feel that your partner isn’t giving you the value you deserve, it’s best to start evaluating your relationship. According to research, the relationship between assertive relationships and the impact they have on the quality of life has a knock-on effect on personal development and well-being.

That is, if you don’t feel good in your relationship, and you believe it’s affecting other areas of your life, start by analyzing the following guidelines:

  • Look at how much you value yourself. This factor is crucial, and it’s worth asking yourself whether you put yourself first or last in the relationship. How much of yourself do you give? Are you always willing to compromise? Are you always looking to please? Do you do whatever it takes just to keep them by your side? Answering yes to these questions may indicate that you need to work on your self-esteem.
  • Take time for yourself. Your whole life can’t revolve around your partner. Start hanging out with friends, talking to other people, doing activities that you enjoy or that help you feel good.
  • Don’t stay silent. You can turn to a trusted person and express yourself. Locking yourself in an isolated world is never healthy.
  • Communicate with your partner. Do this as openly as possible. Tell them how you feel and listen to their responses to more accurately determine whether or not your feelings are justified.
  • Tell your partner what you want. Do it in an assertive way; maybe you want to share more time, do activities together, or take on certain responsibilities. Do it in an assertive way and express how his or her attitude affects your feelings.
  • Decide. If you’re totally convinced that your partner doesn’t value you, then perhaps it’s time to make decisions, considering the pros and cons of the relationship.

You may be interested in: 8 Things that Long-Lasting Couples Have in Common

A man yelling at his partner.
If you feel that your partner doesn’t value you, then it’s time to decide. You should put yourself first before diving into a relationship where your self-esteem is affected.

I don’t feel valued by my partner: When to seek psychological help?

If you feel that you’ve tried everything, but you’re not getting results, it’s likely that you need to seek psychological counseling. Sometimes, perhaps, you may be experiencing an unhealthy type of attachment. Another situation you may find yourself in is in the middle of an unhealthy relationship with a toxic person.

It’s important to identify what’s really happening in order to design, together with a therapist, a plan that will help you overcome this situation and begin to experience greater well-being in your life.

Remember that you’re capable of anything and you don’t depend on just one person to make you happy, as the feeling of well-being and happiness resides only in you.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Gutiérrez, José & Aragón, Sofía & Martínez, Lucy & Inés, Vargas & López-Parra, María. (2013). FELICIDAD GENERAL Y FELICIDAD EN LA PAREJA: DIFERENCIAS POR SEXO Y ESTADO CIVIL. 18.
  • Garrido-Rojas, L. (2006). Apego, emoción y regulación emocional. Implicaciones para la salud. Revista Latinoamericana de Psicologia38(3), 493–507.
  • Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Verette, J. (1999). Level of commitment, mutuality of commitment, and couple well-being. Personal Relationships6(3), 389–409. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1999.tb00199.x

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.