Disillusioned with Your Partner?
Disillusionment can be a turning point in any couple, since it can help you figure out if it's worth fighting for or if the relationship should reach its end.
You’ve been together for many years and your days have mostly become routine. But today, something different happened. You started to feel disillusioned.
You rolled over in bed, looked at your partner, and had doubts about whether he or she is the right person for you. It’s possible that disillusionment has made its way into your relationship.
It’s normal to feel like you’re getting “annoyed” or disillusioned when you’ve been spending all your time with a person who you considered to be your “better half” until a few days ago.
Don’t worry. This just means that idealization is cast aside to make way for reality.
During those first few months or even years of a relationship, your partner seems perfect. They have almost no flaws and everything is so wonderful… but it eventually changes.
Before you make a hasty decision, take a moment to reflect. It’s your perception that has changed, not the course of things. Your relationship is the same as it was just a few months and years ago. It’s just that now the way you look at it is different.
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You are disillusioned because your partner is no longer the sole reason for your happiness. You think this is a bad sign that he or she no longer contribute anything new to you anymore. But, you’re wrong. You’ve simply grown up.
Many of our beliefs about love and falling in love are misleading. For example, people will put their happiness into the hands of another in an act of full submission. They think that this proves their love, and they don’t realize that it’s a mistake.
In any union, the two members complement each other but one is never subordinate to the other. Both are free and happy on their own. At the moment this ceases to be so, we’re talking about dependence.
Perhaps these types of relationships are what many people consider to be “healthy” without recognizing that they’re actually the most harmful.
Sooner or later, you become disillusioned, but not because your partner is no longer right for you. You have opened the door towards mature love.
Mature love comes when those butterflies in your stomach have been left behind, along with that constant need to know everything about your partner.
Now your lives take on a routine, as you may well know… If you find yourself in this moment of disenchantment, it’s important that you keep your eyes open and realize two things:
- Discover whether or not your partner is truly right for you. Butterflies in the stomach can cause you to hold on to someone who doesn’t truly complement who you are. Ask yourself: what preferences and interests do you share? Do you have the same vision of the world?
- Recognize if you’re thinking about your relationship like a consumer. Now that you’re a little disillusioned or it no longer feels like the beginning of your relationship, you’re thinking about leaving them and finding someone else.
- Be careful. There is no “right” person – it’s about becoming the right person.
Read also: Love in Middle Age: When Two Souls are Wise
There may be plenty of people out there that you could start a healthy relationship with. But how many people will become your better half, your life partner?
You may be different from your partner. But you’ve decided to share your existence together. In order to grow together, it’s your responsibility to think of a common good without setting aside your individuality. This is true even when you become disillusioned.
Have you told your partner how you currently feel about him or her? Or have you chosen to be silent and put an end to your thoughts? Do you ever express when you feel disillusioned? This person is your support, the one you supposedly trust. It’s your job to overcome this together.
If you’ve noticed that the relationship has taken a new turn, it’s time for you to modify the steps and actions that have worked up to this point.
You have to take a new turn, breathe some fresh air. Also, you can transform bonds, just like people. You won’t always be the same, and this is a good thing. Change and progress are always going to be breakthroughs.
Feeling disillusioned is the first step that can either lead to mature love or the end of love. You get to decide where you want to go.
Most of all, remember that relationships don’t have to be ideal or perfect. That is the real illusion.