Asexuality: When You Don’t Feel Sexual Desire

· January 9, 2017
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a person’s lack of the physical need to maintain relationships with others of the same or opposite sex

It might seem impossible that there are some people who don’t experience sexual desire, who have a lack of attraction for others or the pursuit of pleasure… This is known as “asexuality.”

Asexuality is something that’s invisible and very few people know about it. It can also cause extreme stress in a couple because in addition to not feeling sexual desire, the person may not feel the need to maintain the relationship.

What’s more, they try to avoid it.

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Is asexuality a consequence of celibacy or certain religious beliefs? The answer to that is “no.” This is a natural condition that a person experiences.

Asexuality, no sexual orientation

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Because an asexual person doesn’t experience sexual desires, they don’t feel that need to maintain relationships. Because they’re not attracted to members of the same or opposite sex, they also don’t have a sexual orientation.

Because of all this, asexuality can be considered to be a non-sexual orientation.

There is so much ignorance and so little research on this subject that lots of people believe that those who are asexual are actually repressed.

It’s true that this is a strange situation because human beings naturally feel the sexual desire to enjoy pleasurable experiences and be able to procreate, if they wish.

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Despite this being an uncommon and unusual circumstance, however, it’s not a disease or a characteristic that defines a repressed person.

It’s simply a non-sexual orientation.

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Societal pressure

You might think that an asexual person would be able to avoid a lot of problems. All types of sexual orientations, including this non-sexual one, should be respected and treated equally.

Unfortunately this isn’t the way it happens in reality. Asexual people suffer from a lot of societal pressure because they’re different.

Javier, an asexual person, shared the following: “It took me a long time to have a partner and be in relationships. When I did, it was because of societal pressure. I just never felt the need.”

These people are “forced” to be like others, to look for someone, to deal with questions like, “When are you going to get a boyfriend?”

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In the worst of situations, they’re marginalized by society.

Could you imagine how today’s sexually-charged advertising must appear to an asexual person? That constant, eroticized content for this person means nothing. It wouldn’t have the desired effect.

Low sexual desire has always existed

Although we haven’t discussed it, low sexual desire has always existed although most people are never aware of this until they’re with a sexually active partner.

In spite of this, and based on what Javier told us above, do asexual people really not want to be in a relationship?

While Javier said he didn’t need to be with a partner, many asexual people do want that – although without sex.

The real trouble arises when an asexual person falls in love with someone who is sexually active. Both would need to talk about how to continue their relationship so that neither needs to make sacrifices that they don’t feel they should be required to make.

Being asexual doesn’t mean that a person is incapable of love – because we all need affection – but not everyone needs sex.

Asexual people sometimes feel forced to have sex. They don’t want to, but they go along with it anyway. It’s not something that they enjoy or detest, but they do it for their partner.

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For this reason, the couple must talk about what to do when one person is asexual and the other isn’t. Communication is always essential, and even more so in these cases.

As Moses Catalan, president of the Prince Lila National Queer Association, said:

“Maintaining a relationship where one partner is asexual and the other is sexual depends on the agreement they both come to. There are some who have sex prior to dating, while others maintain an open relationship.”

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Have you ever met someone who is asexual? Many people don’t even know that they are, they simply are aware that they don’t feel desire for others.

The most important thing if you want to maintain a relationship is that both of you talk about the situation to help everything go as smoothly as possible.

The less you hide from reality and the less you silence yourself, the more awareness you’ll have to be able to understand each other better.