7 Ways Abusers Manipulate Others

03 January, 2019
Abusers manipulate others with drawn-out strategies that are hard to escape from. Discover them here because the sooner you open your eyes, the better.

Why do we go back to people who have abused us? Why do we go back after being attacked? The answers can be found in the many strategies abusers use to manipulate others.

These strategies are subtle. In the heat of the moment, they overwhelm us with confusion and desperation. At times like this, we’re more fragile and easier to manipulate than ever.

In this article, we want to take a look at some of the manipulative strategies abusers use. Maybe they’re being used on you. Sometimes, we even use them ourselves without noticing it. This happens because, deep down inside of us, we want things to happen a certain way.

Read more here: Abusers, Victims, and Broken Souls

Strategies abusers use to manipulate others

1. If you don’t do what I want, I’ll get angry

An abuser about to hit his victim.

When the other person feels like they can’t defend themselves, they choose to get angry. This happens often when they feel offended or intimidated.

By doing this, they turn the situation upside down. They try to make you feel like you’re to blame for the situation. They do this so you’re the one apologizing and so you feel pressured to change your actions. Also, they do so you don’t even realize you’re putting yourself at their mercy.

2. You aren’t right, I never said that

This is one of the most painful and confusing forms of manipulation. Abusers use phrases like “I never said that” or “Don’t you remember what you were saying?” These tactics make the victim doubt their own reality.

What the abuser wants is for the victim to doubt themselves. Eventually, they’ll even go against their own wishes and desires.

This happens often. As a result, some abuse victims will talk to friends and voice their own perspective of the situation. By doing this, they can figure out if it is all a product of their imagination or not.

3. I did it because I love you

An abused woman and her abuser.

Be careful of this justification, especially if it’s used to defend abusive punches, kicks, or insults.

If a person raises their hand against you, if they try to manipulate or control you, if they try to keep you from moving around freely, if they’re constantly showing jealousy or trying to humiliate you, be careful… This isn’t love.

Loving someone unconditionally is very different from obsessive control. When we truly love someone, it doesn’t matter if they’re with us or not. What matters most is that our partner is happy.

4. If you do that, you know what’ll happen

There are some phrases abusers use for emotional blackmail, such as “If you don’t do it now, it’ll happen the next time” or “If you won’t go out with me, I’ll kill myself”.

By doing this, the abuser wants the victim to feel responsible. And in truth, most of the time they’re full of hot air.

The abuser is usually just trying to scare the other person into going out with them. Even though it isn’t what the victim wants, the abuser craves the control.

5. I swear I’ll never do it again

How abusers manipulate others.

If your partner hurts or abuses you, they often promise they’ll change. Believe us, it won’t happen.

Be careful when your partner raises their hand against you and tries to control or manipulate you. At this point, confidence, love, and respect have gone out the door.

It’s nice to think that people can change. But, in this case, it is just a fantasy. If they’ve already hit you once, there’s nothing to stop them from doing it again.

6. You have to give me an answer now

All abusers try to keep you from taking the time to think and rationalize. By doing this, they ensure their victory.

Because of this, it’s important that you get some room. Fight for the space that you need to get a good perspective on the situation.

Abusers insist that you decide things on the spot. This is nothing more than one of their many manipulation strategies.

7. Your friends aren’t good for you

An afraid woman sitting on the floor.

Abusers know that they should keep their victim from their friends and loved ones. These are all people who can help the victim escape.

Because of this, they’ll try to keep you from the people you love the most. They may start fabricating stories about these people to change the way you see them.

Discover: You Need to Know How to Set Boundaries for a Manipulator

Soon, you start to think that you don’t need your friends. You may even think that your partner is the only one you need to focus on. This happens when you think that everyone else isn’t that important.

Be careful… In this situation, you’re under the control of a true manipulator.

What sticks out the most about this last point is you don’t notice what has happened until it’s too late. This happens because the abuser takes time to act slowly, instead of all at once.

They start by slowly getting angry, making you doubtful, saying “I love you”, and using other tricks. All of this is done to make sure you fall into their net.

  • Marroquí, M., & Cervera, P. (2014). Interiorización de los falsos mitos del amor romántico en jóvenes.
  • Gálvez Gómez, L. (2015). Proyecto de prevención de violencia de género en adolescentes.