The Secret to Happy Relationships
Aren’t humans strange? So many people spend their life in a crazy race against time, immersed in their routines, busy doing a thousand things. In their free time they distract themselves in front of the television, on Facebook, or surrounded by people, noise, or in a confusing mess of alcohol or drugs. In this vortex of doing and not being, the most important thing is lost, not on the outside but on the inside.
Start at Home
Being alone can be frightening for some people, like those who as long as they are accompanied, they will sacrifice the quality of their relationships. This fear of being alone reflects the fear of being in contact with your most intimate emotions, which may be unpleasant or painful. So they prefer to distract themselves or numb themselves with external things.
But if your emotional needs aren’t heard or attended to, if you don’t accept your weaknesses and strengths unconditionally, you will go through life with a mask on, pretending to be something you’re not in order to look for other people to accept what you deny from yourself.
Human beings aren’t born as emotional zombies. Babies don’t judge their emotions, they simply feel them and express them. Unfortunately, during the socialization process, a child may be ignored, hurt, ridiculed, or abused. In this case, the only resource that they have is to bury the pain they are feeling in their unconsciousness because the young child still depends on others to feel worthy of love and respect. But once they reach adulthood, they need to assume responsibility for their emotional health and take charge of healing their wounds and fill the needs of their inner child. If they don’t, they will live with an empty space that they will try to fill with superficial or unauthentic relationships.
Your Cup Should Overflow
Your essential task should be to learn to see, love, and value the most precious thing you own, which is your essence. The more you learn to love yourself, the greater your desire will be to share your love with others because authentic love is expansive by nature. This shock wave is unstoppable and it is thus inevitable to want to share this love with other people. This happens not with an empty space and a mask but with fulfillment and authenticity.
The reason to be in a relationship is to learn, grow, love, enjoy, and have fun with mutual company. Because after all, your true mission in this world is to expand your ability to love yourself as well as others. When you understand this and live for this mission’s purpose, you will find that authentic and unconditional love is the best treasure that you can find.
Wealth, pleasure, success, possessions, or riches cannot substitute the fulfillment that true unconditional love produces. But you have to start by loving and accepting yourself. Loving yourself supplies each half of the relationship with safety and trust that you look for in someone else. But instead of trying to get love from someone else or even demanding it, share the love you have for yourself with your partner. Ironically, you will be giving the other person what they have always wanted, but weren’t capable of giving.
Self abandonment and self rejection are some of the biggest causes of failure in couples. Learning to truly love yourself helps make your relationships healthier. Being in love is the most amazing thing there is, but you cannot give what you don’t have. As long as you don’t learn to love yourself, you cannot love another person.
Article originally published in La Mente es Maravillosa