If You’ve Done Everything You Could to Make It Work, You Can Walk Away Without Regrets
For a relationship to work, both people must do their part. If one is carrying the relationship alone, it will end up exhausting.
If you do everything possible to make your relationship work and all you get is unhappiness, rebukes, and tearful nights, you can walk away without regrets.
You can leave with your dignity intact and your head held high: time will take care of healing your broken heart.
When you begin a romantic relationship with someone, you almost always feel sure that this is the one. Or you feel hopeful that it’s the one. And that’s the point, because your brain doesn’t like uncertainties.
Living with the idea that something is hanging by a thread means investing time, energy, and your heart in something that may just fail.
When you begin a relationship with somebody, you need to believe that you both are going to invest equally in it, and that it’s worth the investment.
When it comes to love, what people want most is to feel secure and feel that the bond will last.
It will let you both grow as individuals and build a future together, the two of you heading towards the same goal.
Well, as sad as it may seem, this doesn’t always happen. Couples, like bones, fracture and break.
Love, then, sometimes turns into a weapon capable of wounding. It’s able to destroy your self-esteem and your integrity.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s dig into these complex breakups where ending a relationship well means healing your own heart so you can move on with your life.
The keys to a healthy relationship
What makes a relationship last? What puts distance between you? As strange as it may seem, and just like we’ve already indicated, love is never enough.
Relationships are made up of many little bits, and many different ingredients that can make your love sweet or make it bitter.
In the early 80’s, a model was formulated that is still a part of the field of relational psychology. It’s called the investment model.
According to this model, a relationship will last if these 3 points come together:
- A couple will build a stable commitment as long as each of the basic components of a relationship are covered: intimacy, understanding, good communication, respect, fun, security, sexuality…
- Both individuals feel fulfilled in the relationship. Neither feels frustrated or limited by how the other treats them. In other words, there is respect and mutual emotional enrichment.
- Likewise, it must be seen that there are no power plays, that there is an egalitarian balance where both invest time, emotions, and resources effectively.
If the bond is breaking… Fight!
You’ve probably heard from self-help or personal development books the suggestion to just “rip the Band-Aid off” when something isn’t working in the relationship.
You don’t have to go to that extreme. In fact, you probably know that when you love someone, it’s not easy to just get rid of that person. This is true even when you’re aware that things aren’t going how they should.
When a couple is moving apart, there could be multiple factors in play. We’re not just talking about things you can point at like a betrayal, an insult, abuse, or contempt.
We’re talking about the relationship that grows cold without you really knowing why.
- If love is still present, a relationship deserves to be taken care of like a priceless treasure.
- If you fight to keep it afloat and if you do all you can to build bridges, you’ll feel much better even if your efforts fail.
- It may seem contradictory, but there’s no worse feeling than letting a love go and wondering if you could’ve done more to keep it alive.
Fully understanding that you’ve reached your limit will let you face your grief with more composure and acceptance.
Limits you should never cross
Careful: there are limits in love.
Not everything is worth it in your personal battle to keep your relationship going. Not all resources are valid means of keeping it alive.
When it comes to your investment in saving the relationship, it’s not good to be the only one giving your all. Don’t lose your dignity, self-esteem, or identity.
No battle makes sense when it’s clear that love has gone out on one end.
On the other hand, you should think long and hard about whether it’s worth giving someone who has failed too many times already another chance.
A relationship deserves all of your efforts as long as you’re clear that the other person is worth it. In addition, it’s only worth it as long as there is respect and love.