You Don't Find Love by Looking for It

14 December, 2018
Only once you love yourself can you truly love someone else. Because only once you're comfortable with yourself, can you love someone without depending on them.

You’ve probably already heard that you can’t find love by looking for it. However, as time passes, pop culture or people around you keep saying “What? You still haven’t found a partner?!” Then, you end up feeling anxious because this special person hasn’t come into your life.

It’s important to be conscious of the fact that the people around you are just behaving in accordance with the same beliefs that you had and developed over time.

They (often mistakenly) believe that to be completely happy you have to have a partner and start a family, or that not having a partner is unusual. On the other hand, maybe they simply believe that by not having a partner, you’re a failure.

There are many things that we believe without questioning: however, we need to begin to see things from different points of view, otherwise they’ll negatively affect and shape our lives.

Needing to have a partner could become an obsession. But you don’t find love by looking for it.

Love is not found on the internet

find love

You don’t find love on the internet on sites like Badoo or on mobile apps like Tinder. We all know that what we find there is very short of love.

Although there are some people who have found love through the internet, you have to ask yourself how it happened. There are many different reasons why we might choose to interact with people through the internet:

  • They might have low self-esteem and truly believe that nobody will want them in real life.
  • They’re shy and timid and social networks give them a bit of courage to dare to talk with people in a more relaxed and natural way.
  • They never go out with their friends or don’t live an active lifestyle because of work or some other obligation and they think that the only way to meet people is online.
  • They’re so desperate to find someone as soon as possible that they resort to the internet to speed things up.

As you can see, none of these people are looking for love on the internet. In reality, they’re looking for a confidence boost, for someone to like them, to feel that someone cares about them, to feel they’re important…

Does this have anything to do with love?

Love appears at the moment you least expect

It appears at the moment you least expect

We see it time and time again: when you’re really desperate, the person that you’ve got your eye on is much more likely to flee.

Can you remember a time when you’ve been in a relationship and suddenly you become really attracted to other people?

This happens because when you’re in a relationship, you’re calm and relaxed, and then people are attracted to you. This doesn’t happen when you’re desperate.

This is why it’s important that, even though you might think that it’s not going to happen, you have to believe that it’s possible. The gym, the supermarket line, at work…

Anything is possible. The world is full of infinite possibilities that we’re not expecting. You don’t find love through anxiety and desperation. That way, you’ll simply end up with the first person you bump into.

Don’t be afraid of being alone

Don't be afraid of being alone

You won’t find love if you’re afraid of being alone. These days, this is a fear that has been ingrained in our minds.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s no problem if you haven’t found a partner yet. Seriously, it’s fine. If this provokes anxiety, it’s because you still believe that you need this to be happy.

However, do you know what will make you truly happy?

Being comfortable with yourself and with who you are, taking care of yourself, and making you your priority.

If you don’t know how to be comfortable on your own or if you’re afraid of being alone, remember that love is not found in someone else. It’s found inside yourself.

Only once you love yourself can you truly love someone else. Because only once you’re comfortable with yourself, can you love someone without depending on them.

Liberate yourself from these negative beliefs, because you don’t find love by looking for it. This will just leave you frustrated and feeling worse.

Main image courtesy of ©

  • VV.AA. (2019). Dependencia emocional, satisfacción con la vida y violencia de pareja en estudiantes universitarias.