My Ex Hates Me: Why is This?

August 27, 2018
When you breakup with someone, you start feeling many things. For many, this leads them to feel like their ex hates them. This is why we decided to give you some tips to help you cope.

No matter who ended the relationship, if there are still things that bind you (for example, children), it’s very important to make the effort to get along with your ex. That may not seem possible and you might ask yourself: “My ex hates me: Why is this?”

We’ll try to answer this question in this article.

My Ex Hates Me: Why?

There are different ways to deal with a separation or breakup.

Unfortunately, not all of them are positive and can cause many problems. If you think your ex hates you or despises you, maybe you’re right. However, it’s essential to know the reasons why they’re acting the way they are.

Contempt may be concealing other emotions or feelings that are obviously channeled in this way to avoid facing their emotions.

Here are some of the main reasons why your ex may hate you or mistreat you:

  1. Because they’re sufferingwoman crying

We’re not justifying their actions, just merely trying to understand why they do it. If, for example, you’re the one who broke things off, your ex may be very hurt and that’s why they hate you.

This attitude obviously doesn’t solve anything, it just makes things worse. However, that’s how people sometimes act to try to ease their pain.

As is the case with a wounded animal that gets defensive when someone tries to help them, the same goes with your ex. They try to block out their suffering with hatred.

Want to know more? Read: 5 Types of Emotional Blackmail that Harm Your Health

  1. Because they’ve got a wounded pride

Man crying

Men don’t like being dumped because it affects their masculinity. It’s a biological and evolutionary (but also cultural) issue and he probably doesn’t do it intentionally.

Perhaps your ex treats you badly to protect their pride and self-esteem… and they don’t want to show you how they really feel!

Besides treating you with contempt, they may also blame you for the relationship not working out and not accept that you were both responsible. This way, they avoid feeling “less of a man.”

  1. It’s all still very freshwoman suffering from a breakup

You just dumped them or ended the relationship.

It’s understandable that they’re treating you badly! They’re feeling very emotional, and even confused or depressed.

Remember that, even if they want you back, their pride won’t let them try to. They won’t go down on one knee and beg for your forgiveness.  To the contrary, they may choose to treat you with contempt instead.

How can I prevent this?

As a first step, it’s important to identify and understand the reasons why they’re acting this way. They probably don’t do it on purpose and may even regret it when they think things through.

However, you obviously don’t have to put up with it.

  1. Ignore themMy Ex Hates Me

The smartest thing you can do in this case is act as if nothing is happening. After a sharp retort, simply respond with a smile or look away.

Don’t act as if they offended you in any way. Don’t respond to their attacks or offensive or negative comments. They’ll eventually get tired of talking like that and will give up on trying to upset you.

  1. Show them you’re over it

It’s essential that your ex doesn’t know that their comments affect you. You must show that you’re more emotionally mature and that they must get over the breakup as soon as possible.

  1. Try to ‘make peace’couple looking at each other

If you have children together and have to see each other often, a good way to make them stop treating you badly is talking about it privately.

Tell them that they shouldn’t be acting that way, ask them why they hate you, and try to find the best solution so everything seems normal, at least in front of the kids.

This doesn’t mean that you’ll get back together. However, you can have a bearable relationship at least during the time your children are small and have no choice but to see each other from time to time.

Take a look at this article: Separation Anxiety Disorder: Its Causes and Treatment

  1. Don’t get hung up

Let it be, let time fly on by, and don’t pay so much attention to their attitude towards you. A scorned person can say very hurtful things, but it’s up to you how you let those words affect you.  Focus on something else, don’t think about it all the time, and set your sights on things that really matter.

If you constantly think about it and let it affect you, your ex will get exactly what they want. Don’t give them the pleasure!

At some point, you’ll realize that they’re the ones with a problem. Don’t feel guilty. Your ex has to get over the breakup and move on.

  1. Don’t give them a taste of their own medicinesad man

When they have a bad attitude or make a horrible comment, don’t make the mistake of responding in the same way. “Don’t add fuel to the fire”, as the popular saying goes. Confronting them is useless, as you’re the one who’s going to end up getting hurt.

Your responses can add fuel to the fire and cause a large fire, so be careful. Don’t play into their games and be the bigger person.

  • Sánchez Aragón Rozzana, Martínez Cruz Rebeca. Causas y caracterización de las etapas del duelo romántico. Acta de investigación psicol  [revista en la Internet]. 2014  Abr [citado  2018  Oct  27] ;  4( 1 ): 1329-1343. Disponible en:;pid=S2007-48322014000100002&lng=es.