How many times have you had to deal with judgment from other people? Sometimes you might not be ready to depart from the path you’ve chosen for your day to day life, but you still have to “bear” the opinions of third parties about what you do or do not do.
It would be dishonest to say that it never affects you.
Turning a deaf ear to the comments of those who judge your actions as if they had the gift of divine providence is not always easy. Especially when it’s coming out of the mouth of a significant person in your life: your family, a friend…
Of course, no one who is a true friend would dare to judge you without being aware of your emotions, of the experiences that you carry on your back and in your heart.
Give them your shoes to walk in for a day, because no one but you can know the painful path you’ve already followed, the rivers you’ve crossed without asking anyone else for help…In today’s article we invite you to think a little more about this subject.
The path we have chosen and the trails we’ve built are what define us
You’re not just that woman you see reflected in the mirror. You are not defined by what you wear, what you say, or what you do for other people.
You are a work in progress and all of your life experiences form the base of who you are…Those things that no one other than you can know, that only you wish for.
No one roams this earth talking incessantly about what they’ve had to overcome, no one has to whine about their disappointments, their defeats, or even their victories. So…why do some people still dare to judge others without knowing about them?
See also Advice to Improve Your Self Esteem
- People who are used to judging others tend to be the most frustrated.
- Some people are often very unhappy with themselves, so in turn they project their need for control and intervention onto other people’s lives.
- Judgment from someone within the family is a common thing: “What happens to you happens because you’re too confident,” or “You started out wrong from the beginning, thinking you can do everything and you can’t.”
- They judge with the intention of being helpful or teaching you a lesson, but deep down they want to control you and “trap” you with their way of thinking, their rules.
- Sometimes the person who judges your path in life is trying to justify their own by discrediting that of others. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon.
Want to read more? Good people have wounded hearts
- In fact, when someone judges you they don’t have good arguments that serve a purpose. It’s almost always an excuse for an attack, an insult, or simple contempt. The rationalization is very weak.
- A lack of self-criticism. They’re not able to evaluate their own actions and words to see who made mistakes, who did more harm. They’re limited to protecting themselves from criticism from others.
- Usually, people who are used to judging you lack a full life with hobbies and passions that help them view things in a more relative sense and stop focusing so much on others.
How to defend yourself against other people’s criticisms
Sometimes we say to ourselves, “That doesn’t apply to me.” And it may be true, as long as the judgment is coming from someone like a coworker, a person with whom you don’t have a strong bond. You can brush it off and forget it.
But…what happens when judgment comes from your partner, a friend, or a family member?
In these cases it’s more common to feel offended or even wounded. The first thing you need to do is stay calm and focus on some simple affirmations, like the following:
“I know who I am, I know what I’ve overcome, and I’m proud of every step I’ve taken and learned from my mistakes,” or “No one but me has the right to judge me, because only I know what I feel and how happy I am with my life and the things that I have.”
- Once you’ve told yourself these affirmations and protected your self-esteem, try to avoid responding with hurtful comments. If you show anger or contempt, feelings can take longer to dissipate and you only wind up causing more damage.
- Make your disappointment clear. Explain that no one has the right to judge you, and that this simply shows that they don’t know you. Therefore, they have disappointed you.
- Whoever dares to criticize your life and all you’ve experienced along the way is a person who wasn’t a good traveling companion. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother, your sibling, or your partner.
- Whoever doesn’t accept that sometimes you’ve made mistakes and they judge you for that is someone who has too high an opinion of themselves. Someone who believes that they never make bad decisions or mistakes is a person who lacks the ability to criticize themselves and empathize with others.
If you are being judged every day by the people who surround you, in the end you’ll only feel enslaved by their opinions. Don’t let that happen.
See also 5 emotional wounds from childhood
In these situations you need to ask yourself whether it’s worth distancing yourself from the people who don’t recognize how worthwhile you are, who can’t see the light that shines within you, or understand your value.